Preface:
Back in the dismal week following the 2004 election, our library had a children's program called "Books Get Our Vote." Kids were invited to cast a ballot in a cardboard booth, for which they got a way cool "I Voted" sticker. The Cat in the Hat won at our branch library, Corinth. (Harry Potter won for the library system at large.) This is what I wrote then. I thought it might be appropriate today.
CAT IN THE HAT WINS CORINTH
by Reepicheep
The Cat in the Hat won a surprise victory at the Corinth branch today. Other close candidates in this exciting "Books Get Our Vote" race included Clifford the Big Red Dog, the Berenstain Bears and Harry Potter.
Many predicted an easy win for Potter, known to have saved the world at least three times now from the evil You Know Who. But some blame his failure to reach the electorate on a series of ads put out by the "Slytherins For Truth" a non-partisan 527 group. In the ads,
Draco Malfoy and other Slytherins claim the Potter exaggerated his claims about his battles against He Who Must Not Be Named. "Potter says he was almost killed, but he was only in the infirmary for a couple of
weeks. And the fact is, we have only his word for it about what REALLY happened when Cedric Diggory died," says Malfoy.
Clifford the Big Red Dog did well early in the race,
picking up endorsements from firefighters and the fraternal order of police. He, like Potter, has a record of Saving the Day. However, experts say he failed to reach out to the all-important Cat demographic.
"I like Clifford," said Annabelle, preschooler. "But my family have always been cat people."
Other children agreed and added that Clifford was clearly a supporter of Big Government. Elliot, age 4, commented, "He's about as Red as you can get."
The Berenstain Bears were out of the race early, after it was revealed that they had Trouble With Money and often Forget Their Manners. There were also persistent rumors of Trouble With Pets, which had some calling for an investigation.
There was a huge gathering of supporters at the Cat in the Hat headquarters when the votes were finally in. Says Sam-I-Am, the Cat's spokesperson, "This is just what we want. This is just what we need. It was good that he won, we think you'll agree."
The Cat has his detractors as well. Says the Fish, who has long been outspoken in his criticism of the Cat, "This cat just shows up, uninvited, and wrecks these kids' house while their mom is gone. He promises to clean it up, and what does he do? Hires his friends Thing One
and Thing Two, with a no bid contract!" Thing One and Thing Two are currently under investigation for alleged abuses while in the house. Says the fish, "This mess is so big, and so deep and so tall, We can not pick it up. There is no way at all!"
Cat spokesperson Sam-I-am dismisses this as pessimism. "Have no fear of this mess, it will come to a close. The Cat will show us another good trick that he knows." Sam-I-Am refused to comment further,
saying it would be a topic in the next press conference.