Dear Prolifer:
First, let me thank you for your tireless efforts to have fertilized eggs equated with actual human beings. It makes me feel so grown-up, like those folks with differentiated cells and all. And it's made such a contribution to the abortion and stem-cell debates.
But the real reason I'm writing is to express my appreciation for all your work on behalf of us expelled blastocysts - you know, the 50% of fertilized eggs that are naturally aborted by the woman's body, usually before she even knows she's pregnant.
I know the elective abortions get a lot of attention, but us natural abortions are just as dead - and there are many more of us. Every year, five million little people like me end up floating in toilet bowls or entombed in tampon disposal bags -- unnoticed and ungrieved. That's 25 million of us in just the past 5 years. Each of us a "precious, innocent, defenseless unborn baby".
I'm sure this figure shocks and appalls you. It's 4 times higher than the annual number of elective abortions. It's more Americans killed, in just one year from natural abortion, than from all wars since 1776 combined. In fact, this figure represents fully 50% of God's creation. So I understand that you might wonder how an omnipotent and omniscient God could deliberately create so many people knowing full well they're destined for immediate, in-utero death. But still, you soldier on.
So, knowing how much you value four-celled life, I wanted to thank you for everything you're doing to stop this horrific epidemic of unborn destruction.
You're calling press conferences to denounce this "Holocaust" of blastocyst death.
You're demanding billions in medical research to eliminate the cause of zygote destruction.
You're calling on UN to immediately address this worldwide healthcare crisis.
You're jamming Congressional phone lines with Christian fundamentalists demanding action.
You're even changing your bumper-stickers (the ones that say "The Womb should be the Safest Place on Earth") to reflect reality: "The Womb is Naturally the Deadliest Place on Earth."
It's true that I haven't actually seen any of this (because well, blastocysts can't see or think or read or anything). But I know you live up to your wonderful slogans, like `Life begins at conception.' and "Everybody deserves a birth-day." My favorite is the one you use to rally the troops before attacking doctors and clinics: "If you believe it's a baby, act like it."
I have no doubt you believe that expelled blastocysts like me are babies. And your unflagging efforts to save us proves your belief in the `sanctity of life."
So keep up the good work. It was too late for me, but I'm sure -- any day now - we'll see the results of your prolife devotion.
Sincerely,
Expelled Blastocyst #656,243,487,660