Oh sure, the NSA wiretapping has you spooked. Who knows what they could do with the information; could all of those take out orders from Omar's Falafel House be somehow misinterpreted as aiding Enemies of the State? Could a Republican business competitor get hold of the record of all your calls to 1-900-HOT-GIRL?
Don't worry! These clowns are still trying find the mastermind of the "Prince Albert in a Can" plot, and where in the world Seymore Butz is hiding. They couldn't data mine Samoans from a Girl Scout cookie order form. The guys running the program were appointed by Republicans for crissakes, so their relevant background is sleeping with each other's sisters in college.
But even if there are a few competent people stripping away your civil rights, that doesn't mean they've won. Oh no, they've opened a new door for you to dick with the Republican Party! Here's how it works:
They are looking for "suspicious" patterns of phone calls that may indicate an extremely stupid terrorist network is plotting the destruction of the US over unsecured phone lines - for instance, the crazy number of people calling Omar's for their Friday night "gyros special". So all you need to do is to create fun new suspicious linkages - such as between your local republican's election headquarters, and a prominent Islamic charity or mosque.
So any time you are feeling bored, gather up your loose change, and head for the nearest pay phone. Place a call to the Dennis Hastert Re-election Committee, and spend a few minutes talking about how much you appreciate his years of fine service. Then call "Palestinian Revolutionary Charities", and spend a few minutes talking about the weather, and how you'd like to make a donation on behalf of Dennis Hastert. Then call Hastert's personal office, and spend a few minutes telling him how much you hate the Department of Education. Then call the Iranian Embassy.
And so on. In a few minutes, you have generated an amusing trail of international intrigue reaching to the highest levels of government. A few hundred payphones doing this from around the nation should keep black vans with strange antennae circling his re-election chairman for days.
And don't feel you have to limit yourself to politicians. The Heritage Foundation stands firmly behind this program - I'm sure they'd love to see it firsthand.
Be sure to suggest this activity at high school parties and frat parties, or wherever easily influenced drunks gather.