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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Fun little bits from around the Internets:
The Lord's Prayer is 66 words, the Gettysburg Address is 286 words, there are 1,322 words in the Declaration of Independence, but government regulations on the sale of cabbage total 26,911 words.
---October 24, 1994 National Review
Government in Heaven:
The government is Swiss
The police are English
The food is Italian
The women are French
The cars are German
Government in Hell:
The government is Italian
The police are German
The food is English
The women are Swiss
The cars are French
"Things are not looking good for Donald Rumsfeld. First Sen. John McCain said he had no confidence in him. Now Gen. Norman Schwarzkopf said he's angry at Rumsfeld for not providing soldiers in Iraq with the proper armor. In fact, Rumsfeld has screwed up so badly, President Bush might have to give him one of those Medal of Freedom awards."
---Jay Leno
Cheers and Jeers starts in the Extended Copy section... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, December 28, 2004...
By the Numbers:
Days `til 2005: 4
Days `til Bush gets pelted with eggs while taking the oath of office: 23
Number of muscles in a cat's ear: 32
Memory span of a goldfish: 3 seconds
States besides Maine with just one syllable: 0
(Source for the above 3: C&J reader Danny)
Asian earthquake toll as of yesterday morning: 21,000
Asian earthquake toll as of this morning: 40,000
Your Puppy Pic of the Day: No! I am not a Swiffer: http://xo.typepad.com/blog/puppy.jpg. Ass.
JEERS to watching paint dry. That's what the week between Christmas and New Years always feels like. So...[twiddles thumbs]...how about that weather, huh? [Tumbleweed rolls by] Yup. So...anyone wanna hock loogies over the I-95 overpass??
CHEERS to Howard Dean: Badass Bovine. Jerome at MyDD is out with a new DNC Chair CattleCall and the Guv is still Head of the Herd: http://www.mydd.com/story/2004/12/26/213528/41. And don't be timid about using your horns, sir.
CHEERS to the Hawkeye State. Iowa officially became the 29th state 158 years ago today. And since you're so old, whaddya say we let a dozen other states help carry the burden of picking our candidate on Caucus Night '08?
JEERS to the December Surprise. Happy #!@%! New Year, all you poor people who want to elevate your status in life. George W. Bush just cut 80,000 to 90,000 of your Pell Grants: http://www.sltrib.com/nationworld/ci_2497129. He says it's just a fraction of the 5.3 million awarded each year. He'd be more specific...if only he knew how to do fractions.
CHEERS to Subaru. For standing up to the bigots at Concerned Women of America, who are trying to shame the car maker into ceasing its outreach to the gay and lesbian community. Pam's House Blend has the smackdown: http://www.pamspaulding.com/weblog/2004/12/subarus-response-to-house-blend-reader.html. I love it when the good guys are really good.
CHEERS to the future. For those of us getting whipped around by the snow, ice and howling winds, a preview of summer '05: http://students.washington.edu/mdang/Humor/tanlines.jpg. Pass the Coppertone.
JEERS to Incompetence Alert Level Red. The former inspector general for the Department of Homeland Security---an old Bush pal from Texas---says the agency is so screwed up that "It's difficult to figure out where to start." So naturally Bush fired him for his honesty: http://www.usatoday.com/news/washington/2004-12-27-homeland-usat_x.htm. Get crackin' on that tell-all book, Clark.
JEERS to words we ain't livin' by. Congress officially recognized the Pledge of Allegiance on December 28, 1945. It contains the quaint phrase, "with liberty and justice for all." C&J would add four little words to make it fit reality: "...who can afford it."
CHEERS to Democrats without lips. Happy 148th birthday to #28 Woodrow Wilson. He was correct when he said, "The government, which was designed for the people, has got into the hands of the bosses and their employers, the special interests. An invisible empire has been set up above the forms of democracy." Pay your respects here: http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GRid=1115&pt=Woodrow%20Wilson.
CHEERS to buying time. The Republicans are in turmoil over the gay marriage amendment, so it looks like a dead issue for now: http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=533&e=6&u=/ap/20041227/ap_on_go_co/gay_m
arriage_congress. Maybe in the meantime they'll work on lowering the divorce rate. Right after confetti shoots out of my ass.
JEERS to revisionist history. Donald Rumsfeld says the jet that crashed in a Pennsylvania field on 9/11 was actually "shot down." http://www.bluelemur.com/index.php?p=517. All together now: "Whaaa??"
CHEERS to Team 4 News. Out today on DVD: `Anchorman---The Legend of Ron Burgundy: Unrated, Uncut and Uncalled For:' http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B00061QK0W.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg. Fox News still thinks it's a documentary. And a darn good one.
CHEERS to pleasant surprises. We just read in Entertainment Weekly that Ron Howard provides the droll voiceover in Fox's brilliant `Arrested Development.' As if we needed another reason to love it.
CHEERS to "Political Capital." If, by that, you mean crumbs and table scraps, then George Bush is a man to be feared: http://www.mydd.com/story/2004/12/27/83338/919. Ride that 49% into history, Sheriff!
JEERS to girls with guns. C&J's worst nightmare: http://usuarios.lycos.es/ben60/humor/chiste06.jpg. And no matter what happens, I know I can never outrun them.
JEERS to self-described Brad Pitts with buck-teeth, bad acne and a beer-belly. `The Week' magazine reports that people are losing interest in online dating services because---gasp!---members often lie in their profiles! Better stick to the classifieds: http://www2.widener.edu/~crn0001/ed488/FriuitFly/images/fruit%20fly%20humor.jpg.
CHEERS to one of C&J's Most Admired People. Max Steiner---who wrote the movie scores for Casablanca, Gone With the Wind, King Kong and hundreds of others during Hollywood's golden age---died on this date in 1971. Pay your respects here: http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GRid=2077&pt=Max%20Steiner. Play it Sam...once more for old time's sake.
CHEERS to perfect loner hands. Wow...C&J is impressed that so many Kossacks play the crazy game of Euchre. A word of warning, however: trump my ace and your ass'll end up in the next county.
Cheers and Jeers 6-month Flashback: June 28, 2004
CHEERS to sneaky moves. The U.S. transfers sovereignty to Iraq...two days early. After a brief ceremony, Paul Bremer catches the first copter out to Anywherebuthere, but not before leaving a note for new Prime Minister Allawi: Key's under the mat...Please feed the cat...Kevlar's in the closet. Mission Accomplished!
JEERS to Lake Helms. There's a pond in North Carolina that a Republican Representative wants want to re-name after Jesse Helms in "honor" of the former bigot/homophobe senator. It's the only body of water they could find that was foaming at the mouth.
And just one more:
CHEERS to creative minds. How can you hate advertisers when they cook up stuff like this? http://www.verparacreer.net/imagen.php?f=1100214000&n=1. My accordion arrives Thursday...how `bout yours?
Floor's open. What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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