Just got back from putting together a 50th Anniversary weekend for my Mom & Dad -- and I have 3 days until my trip to Honduras (Sustainable farming documentary.) I guess now's a good time to look at my own life -- take stock of how I see things now, and hopefully will having something to contrast it with when I get back.
So - here's a story of my rite of passage, new family connnections and "can I pick something up for anyone at the store?"
Why is it that when you become an adult - you gain the compulsion to call just before you arrive somewhere to see if they need you to pick anything up at the store? It's what every adult I know does, and I think it would feel rude if I failed to do this. I started doing this towards the end of my days in college, and I would arrive with the smug knowledge that I was being adult -- even if they didn't need anything. If they did ask for something -- a jug of milk or charcoal for the grill -- I could hear the soundtrack from Big Valley playing in my head the rest of the way home. Here comes family guy hero!
It was this way all weekend at my Mom & Dad's house. The phone rang every 15 minutes - a call from one of our relatives that was somewhere near a store, and could get whatever anyone needed. Let's face it, it's such an easy way to instantly feel useful and part of the plans. I think it might also be a small miracle -- GUILT FREE SHOPPING!!!! I would lay down $50 on anything, and feel so good about doing it simply because someone needed it. If they'd offer to give you cash when you get back to the house - you always smuggly say "you can just get me back later."
Since I was the one putting this weekend together - at least initially - I had lots of offers to help. It felt good. This was my rite of passage from "adult in the family" to "responsible dad/family member" guy! It was a blast! I felt completely connected to my family -- felt I was doing something good -- and I got lots of smiles at the various gatherings: I had grown up OK. (Basing this on my family's opinion of my 7 years in college -- undergrad... it was completely unexpected by most everyone.) Not only that, but I felt like one of the "elders" - one of those in charge!
I think everyone there had a blast - and we all spent money hand over fist! We Americans love to shop. It's an odd compulsion that creeps into everything we do. At family gatherings, your kids get what they want... you buy things just in case... you'll buy 2 of everything (you never know what someone might need!) My god, how did people have family gatherings before credit cards!?!?!
So - what was my favorite thing from this weekend? Watching my kids connect with my family. It was magic! My kids were cute as hell and they had such a great time with everyone... even the tickle monster! This year, the tickle monster was my uncle, and he was the tickle monster for my 4 yr old daughter. This interaction with my uncle and my daughter will forever symbolize this 50th Anniversary for me. My kids are now part of my family -- with or without me. That seems to be very important in the grand scheme of things.
... and it cost nothing and had nothing to do with the store. I remember the tickle monster from my childhood -- and I'm pretty sure my parents remember him/her from their childhood. I'm betting it's a consistant part of family across history. I think there's a tickle monster in Honduras.
This is what I think I will find when I go down there. The really cool family interactions will be so familiar... with one exception: no credit cards or stores. I'm guessing there are other ways that people fulfill the same need to be useful at family functions. But I have this one thought in my head: they are not distracted by consumerism like we are here -- and I wonder if that makes the joy of being with family any clearer.