Now, due to consideration for privacy, I cannot tell you how I came by the following. But it is an offer of help to the President, who obviously could use more than just a small amount. In fact, it is a letter from an admirer, striving to remove one of his many burdens, specifically what he should include as themes in his State of the Union address.
I offer it for your consideration... and after chewing on it a bit, perhaps your regurgitation. Without further adieu,
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To My Friend, George Bush,
Now, I know, Mr. President, that you are gettin ready for your premere performince of the year, delivering the State of the Union Address. I also realize you are under great stres trying to ward off all those attempts by the naysayers and naydoers and less-than-committed tryin to tie your hands in Iraq, and to make you accountable toward Iran, too. Such non-believers, such doubting-Thomases!
Your speechwriters, I guess working for Mr.Dick Cheney, are already overworked at keeping the wolves at the door abay, so to speak. Thus, in the spirit of kindness and the recognition of need, I offer my help to you in your time of need. (It might help with the burden of your speechwriters.)
It is in this spirit that I give you these here ‘talking points’ and words of advice, that you and your speechwriters (along with Mr. Cheney) will maybe think about, to help you make this the most successful SOTU, ever!
Now, and your speechwriters know as well me that your time for the SOTU speech is short, so I think you would do good to limit your talking points to only a handful of the most important ideas, but in a way that lets you tie in other things. I think maybe these are good ideas for you to think about.
"War on Terror" is good it will make a lot of people think and even understand that terror is not an evil thing, to be fought in the home, in the church, in Washington, even in the back seat of a car or at Uncle Jeb's Christmas party... but mostly somewhere over there so we do not have to face it hear... except maybe on Saturdays. And I suppose you have to say again that Iraq is the Central Front and that Iran is a threat to the world just so common folk might finally understand.. Don’t forget to include Afghanistan (people want to know you haven’t forgotten about it). But, I don’t think you should talk too much about the attack on the US on 9/11. I believe mentioning that together with Iraq might be wearing thin with the public. You probably should not mention it more than 15 times, I guess – will that be enough?
"Support our troops" is always a winner, too... if it is said in the right words. What about something like, more troops will help our troops who are in danger over there? Maybe even promise to speed up body armor and armored HUMVEEs... can’t really hurt, you know.
"Challenges we face at home and abroad" can be a winner, too. (I heard that on Clear Channel, today.) You know, like pointing out the threat’ of Iran, the need of democracy in Iraq, the horror of North Korean nukular weapons, and now them Chinese satellite killing missiles. Now, you don’t have to do anything big about these or come up with answers... just point them problems out – and then make a bet them Democrats can’t come up with any ideas of their own! How good is that?
As far as home, well, I heard them talking about something they called the strawman of entitlement programs. I’m not real sure what that means, but your friend Mr. Barnake gave you some help with that one, the usual, of course – Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid, and so on. But, whatever you do, do NOT say anything about the Defense budget or the ‘emergency appropriations’ that have been made for these last few years for Iraq and Afghanistan! And please, do not say anything about the SSA Trust Fund! (Link added by diarist for veracity's sake). Just cause it is supposed to be about $3.9 trillion to the good at the end of FY2015, it wouldn’t help to make the case that all those entitlements need fixin because they are about to go broke.
"Oil dependency" is always a good, too. You can lay waste to our hunger for foreign oil, but again you don’t have to solve anything. Its probably enough to promise some new bribes to our own companies to drill more and get more. Now, the bribes might need to be something other than taxes, since the Democrats are taking a swing at them, but I am sure there are other ways, and maybe it could be a promise to pay in the future?
Along with the oil thing, you might want to work in as much as you can about them other kinds of energy. That was sooo smart last year, and I was flaberghasted with all those big words like ‘witch grass’ and ‘cellulostic ethanol’ (I admit I had to look em up, but I did!). After thinking about it a bit, I am sure you can make it all a bigger hit even this year! Its not like you have to really do anything, you know... just as long as you sound good.
And you can drag your buddies in those ‘energy companies’ along, too. You know -- some added bonuses of some kind, or some such? I am sure they would go for it in a heartbeat, knowing you was looking out for them..
Honestly, I ain’t at all sure why so many people are miffed with those companies, anyway. There is one just down the road from here... Exxon. Maybe you have heard of it? My husband Willie Bob works there, and they treat him and everybody else just fine, just like reglar folks, if you know what I mean. This, by the way, is why he thinks minimum wage laws is so totally ridiculous, since he earns $7.62 an hour. Imagine that!
As for that thing they call ‘global warming’, well I can tell you to forget it. Its no winner, for sure! It is hot as blazes here every summer, and I feel like I could use some winters where I didn’t have to feed the stove night and day! Not to mention Willie Bob's back is about shot and I don’t know how much longer he can cut wood or shovel coal. My advice... don’t worry about it. People can wear shorts more (if they are not too short!) and spend more time at the lake or beach, right?
Well, George, I would be glad to give you more thoughts, if I could, but my shift starts at Walmart in an hour or so. Any more help will just have to wait until later, but all you need to do is ask. (Al has his second shift taxi driver job to do, and I have another shift at the diner, so it may be awhile. We just have to make time when we can, sorta like you, ya know?)
You take heart and have a good SOTUS. I won’t see it live cause thats my day to take in laundry and ironing... but I promise to watch you as soon as I can, if Willie Bob gets the VCR fixed before then. (I don’t have to get a warrant to tape you and do that, do I? Oh, silly me – of course not!)
My best always, your fellow Compassionate Conservative,
Selma Mae
P.S. I know your time is taken up with so much deciding, but it might be best if you left out things like ‘I am the Decider’, ‘I am a Uniter, not a Divider’, and (though it pains me) even ‘Compassionate Conservative’.
P.P.S Please give my regards to all the crew, especially Condi! (I don’t mean to leave out anybody, but the list of your wonderful people is just so damned long.)
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Now, in the spirit of neighborliness and comity, would it hurt to show Selma Mae a little love, even if it means helping GWB just a tiny bit (even though he will still be in the pit)? Can you, in good conscience, allow such burdens upon Selma Mae, and Willie Bob, and GWB, and his harried speechwriters to continue without extending a helping hand? (And think of the trauma that poor Dick is suffering, with the ongoing Libby trial and all!)
So, I ask you... please contribute comments, themes, and talking points that are appropriate for GWB in the State of the Union address... you may be the one who well saves the day! (And have fun doing so, yes? Cheers:)-- have a great weekend!