Enough talk of investigations and proceedings. If it is true that Cheney and Bush are planning to attack Iran, then we are officially out of time. They need to be stopped. But think about this: we don’t need to impeach Dick Cheney, George Bush and their co-conspirators. We have enough evidence now to have them both detained as material witnesses.
Consider the following:
Both Cheney and Bush have made frequent journeys to Saudi Arabia, Iraq, Iran, Pakistan, Afghanistan and Israel.
Both Cheney and Bush have been seen and photographed in the company of wealthy Saudi aristocrats, notably Prince Bandar bin Sultan.
Cheney has close ties to a company, Halliburton, which works directly in Iraq. It is even possible that some of the materials used by Iraqi insurgents to make I.E.D.’s came from materials originating from Halliburton or KBR, a Halliburton subsidiary.
Cheney owns weapons, and might possibly have a large cache of them. He has been involved in at least one shooting incident where another man was hospitalized with grave injuries.
Cheney and Bush were instrumental in flying members of the Bin Laden family out of the U.S. in the days after the 9/11 attacks.
Cheney is believed to have leaked the name of an undercover C.I.A. operative to the press, effectively shutting down her work on weapons proliferation and that of any other entity or person connected with her work.
There is evidence of Cheney and Bush’s involvement with several groups believed to intend grave harm to the United States, including the Carlyle Group andThe Project for a New American Century.
Okay, you say, sure, but won’t you need a warrant to arrest someone? We will not be arresting Bush and Cheney, we will be detaining them as material witnesses. There is a difference. This type of detention was used successfully in Jose Padilla's case, when he was arrested in Chicago and held as a material witness for over a month. Once they have been detained, there will be a vacancy of both the offices of the President and the Vice President. Enter Nancy Pelosi, the speaker of the House. Now, as President, Pelosi has the power to declare them both Unlawful Enemy Combatants.The Military Commisions act broadly defines such a person as
"any person who is engaged in hostilities or who has purposefully and materially supported hostilities against the United States."
The act clearly applies to Bush and Cheney, for how else can you describe deceiving the American People into the failed Iraq quagmire, but as hostile the the United States? How else can you describe their seemingly willful inaction while the City of New Orleans was crushed by Katrina? It is widely believed that both of these men are hoping to involve the United States in an even more devastating conflict with Iran. It is also known that these men have actively suppressed and ignored evidence of the dangers of Global Warming. Thus not only have they engaged in hostilities against the United States, but they are conspiring to do more harm in the future.
As Unlawful Enemy Combatants, they are not entitled to Habeas Corpus. They can be denied access to lawyers, and never learn exactly what the charges against them are. In fact, no charge needs to be brought against them at all. President Pelosi can have these dangerous men detained at Gitmo, or on a military brig. Handily, if they are ever charged and brought before a tribunal, the Military Commisions Act makes it possible for evidence obtained through torture to be used in court against an individual.
Now there’s only one snag I can come up with in all of this, and that is that in order to get them in custody in the first place, you do need a warrant from a judicial officer, and it may be difficult to find an officer who will issue a warrant for such powerful men. . Luckily I have found the way around this. If you go to this web page: http://rumandmonkey.com/...you will find the "Islamic Terrorist Name Generator." Simply type in Dick Cheney and you get
Aadil "The One-Way Pilot" bin Abu Ibraheem,
and for George W. Bush you get
Aalee "The Swine Killer" bin Bushraa.
Simply place these aliases on the affidavit, along with all of the evidence mentioned above. It is really all quite simple. This process should keep these dangerous criminals out of the way until the 2008 presidential election, at which time their offices will be given over to the newly elected President. In the mean time Iran has not been attacked, WWIII has been successfully avoided, our troops have been withdrawn from Iraq, and the catastrophic consequences of global warming will be urgently addressed.
There. I just saved the world.
And in time for lunch, too.