I am a member of a ragtag gang of military wives; we represent every branch of service, both officer and enlisted. We live all over the globe and communicate electronically. The internet has revolutionized the way we, as spouses and families cope with deployments.
In late 2002, we knew that we had better get our poop in a group to support each other. We knew.
We banded together and established a message board for military spouses. We have someone at almost every military base across the world. Support is so important during crisis, and we wanted someone who was within an email or a phone call away "just in case."
Since DH is assigned to Brooke Army Medical Center (BAMC), one of the major hospitals for trauma treatment, amputee care, and the Army’s burn center; I have been the "Just in Case" wife five times. I meet families referred to me by our little internet railroad. I try and meet the family the day they get to San Antonio. I bring bags of toiletries, maps, a "Welcome to San Antonio" magazine, etc. I’ve held hands, hugged, laughed, cried, and brought meals to the hospital.
I do this because I would want someone to do to me as I do to others...
For tonight’s IGTNT edition, I want to talk about my sixth time. I’ve saved most of the communication from last July, so I’ll let the emails speak for themselves. Names have been deleted to protect the family’s privacy. The soldier was hit by an IED July 16th and burned over 90% of his body. I was notified via email the afternoon of July 17th.
Tuesday morning, July 18, 2006, from my contact in DC:
Silvercedes –
X is doing surprisingly better today. He is down to 50% oxygen. The current plan is to put him on tomorrow’s med flight into San Antonio. X’s Sister is supposed to call my Dad as soon as she hears anything. X’s family and my parents are very grateful for your help. As soon as I have any more information I will let you know.
Thanks so much
My reply:
Keep me posted on any developments, and any contact info I may need (if the family is open to that). My cell is XXX-XXX-XXX, and our home is XXX-XXX-XXX. We're up at night until around 10pm CDT, and up in the mornings at 5am. My work email is xxxxxxx if you need that. I'm at work from 8:15am to 5:15pm.
Is J his wife? I'd be glad to meet her at the hospital or somewhere in San Antonio or at BAMC/Fisher House, just to get her away from the chaos, take her to lunch/dinner, give her a nickel tour of SA and Ft. Sam, and take her mind off of what's going on. We also have a spare bedroom that's ready if she can't find a room or Fisher House is full. We're about 20 minutes from BAMC, and right next to Randolph AFB.
There are also several support groups that she can join when she gets here.
Contact's reply:
Silvercedes – J is his Sister. X was not married nor did he have a girl friend. As soon as I get an update I will let you know.
Thanks so much!
Contact’s update Tuesday, July 18, 6:30pm:
Silvercedes -
I just got off the phone with my Dad. A special medical E-Vac for burn victims left sometime today from Randolph to get X. They are expected back at Randolph early in the morning on Thursday. J told my Dad that they would not fly her family to San Antonio until X was in the air. So we don't expect J and the family to be in San Antonio until Thursday. My Dad wanted to know if it is possible for them to stay in the Fisher House. He also wanted to know how they would get on and off the base. Will the hospital arrange for a temp pass?
J has asked that you call her. Her number is xxx-xxx-xxxx. Her name again is XXXX. I have met her and talked to her but it is probably best to say that you are a friend of XXXX, XXXX's daughter. J is answering her work e-mail which is blah@blah.com. If you have a hard time getting a hold of her let me know. I can get a hold of my Dad. In case you need it my cell is xxx-xxx-xxxx. My home number is xxx-xxx-xxxx. My office number is xxx-xxx-xxxx.
What can I do to repay your kindness?
My reply back to my contact and to J:
Contact/J:
I'm forwarding you some links with phone numbers and names, I hope they help!
Fisher House: http://www.fisherhouse.org/...
BAMC Guesthousing: http://www.fortsamhoustonmwr.com/...
Maps to BAMC and Ft. Sam, links to finance: http://www.bamc.amedd.army.mil/...
J, there is a USO reception area at the San Antonio airport when you arrive. They should be able to assist you with rental cars, information, etc.: http://www.alamouso.org/
Wounded Warrior Liassons: http://www.bamc.amedd.army.mil/...
From what my husband is telling me, your family will be assigned a caseworker as soon as you get orders to fly to San Antonio. The caseworker will assist you during this time and help get paperwork rolling, find you housing, etc.
Feel free to call us anytime, my cell is xxxx, and home is xxxx. If you need a permanent address to receive mail, you can have it forwarded to our address until you have one at Fisher House/Powless Guest House:
(Our Address)
I work until 5:15 M-F, but I can meet family at the hospital if they would like. I know the first few days will be hectic and stressful, so if they want me to stay away until things calm down, I'll understand. I'll try and put together a little "Welcome to San Antonio" goodie bag for you, J, with a big SNA map, and a phone book. BAMC jams cell phones and you won't be able to get a signal inside the hospital, so you may want to bring some phone cards so you can use the pay phones.
J, if you need to get away, just say the word, and I'll spring you from the wards.
As always, Keep me posted on developments, and Captain Silvercedes and I will be here ready to meet "y'all." BAMC really takes care of family and more importantly, the soldiers that come here. X is coming to the best place in the world for burn treatment, and the medical staff is top notch (do I sound biased?).
Take care and safe travels,
Silvercedes
The conversation continues like this throughout the evening, mostly it is between J and me. Wednesday morning, I receive this from J:
Silvercedes, we just heard from Germany. The San Antonio Burn Unit Assessment Team arrived and has completed their assessment of X. Their news is very bad. His pupils are now fully dilated. His neurological status has deteriorated significantly and there is massive swelling of the brain. The team is considering installing an interchranial block to relieve the pressure. If they can restabilize him, he will be transferred to Texas between 8 and 10am tomorrow Germany time which is between 3 and 5am EST.
Please pray
So I pray. Hard. I pray so hard for this family, and for X to pull through this. My husband is also reading the emails, the first words out of his mouth are "If I'm ever that badly injured, unplug me." More bargaining with God ensues.
The rest of our communication takes place via phone. X's condition deteriorates rapidly on Wednesday afternoon and evening. At 5am Thursday morning, my phone rings and it's J. The family is being flown to Germany, this is not good news. J tells me that they cannot get X stable enough to make the flight back to Texas. The family has chosen to remove life support and they are all flying to Germany to say goodbye. I feel like someone has kicked me in the stomach. I'm sure X's family feels much worse.
J and I continued to email each other when the family got back to the states. She sent me links to the news articles and pictures of her family. Her brother was buried at Arlington. I sent her a coloring book, a big box of crayons, and a copy of Dr. Seuss's very wise "Oh The Places You'll Go." She emailed me:
I went to the post office yesterday to pick up my mail. There was a yellow card in the box indicating mail too big to fit. The mail lady smiled and said, "You got a good one!" She handed me an envelope postmarked from your home in Texas. I was too curious to wait so I tore open the package right at the counter. The mail lady was confused, but I wasn’t. I told her, "This woman knows me....we’ve never met in person, but she knows." Thank you...Seuss, crayons, and a coloring book is exactly the level my mind is at this week. Only someone who sees what you see could have known. It’s amazing what a simple gift can do to humble you. I’m touched and grateful. (and carrying them around in my purse)
We still write each other, there is a bond there now that I don't think will ever be broken. We talk about stuff friends talk about; life, love, loss, careers, food, booze, and how to heal and move forward.
J, if you're lurking somewhere on the Kosmosphere, you have lost your brother, and I am deeply sorry for your loss. However, from that terrible, painful loss you have gained a sister. Even though I've never met you, I will love you always, my "Sorrow Sister."
Today, the families, friends, and loved ones of Sgt. Daniel E. Woodcock and Sgt. Thomas L. Latham got the worst news military families could get. Tommy Latham was one of duck's former students. My wish for these families during all this grief and heartache, is that they are able to find the friendship I found in J.
All of the U.S. fatalities can be seen here or here. They all had loved ones, families and friends. The DoD news releases are here.
I Got the News Today is a diary series intended to honor, respect and remind. This series is maintained by i dunno, with the help of Sandy on Signal and monkeybiz.
Click here for the previous diary in this series or click the igtnt tag.