I am transgendered. And I'm pissed off.
This diary is partially a vent; but I hope there will be at least a wee bit of educational content.
First of all, I think we need to talk about a few definitions. TG, TS, transman, transwoman, what does it all mean? Talking about that may help some of you realize where I, and others here, are coming from.
Follow me over the flip.
First of all, none of these definitions are completely universal. I'm giving you the most accepted definitions of these terms, as I understand them (and as I accept them myself).
First of all, in the TG world--gender is mental, sex is physical. That's absolutely shorthand, but it's an easy-to-understand shorthand. So when I talk about my "sex", it's clearly male: I have male reproductive organs. I have male secondary sex characteristics. The male reproductive organs clearly work in their designated matter, as evidenced by the two offspring :-). So, sex--male.
Gender? That's a different story.
Which leads us to our first definition: transgendered. A TG person is someone who's internal gender identification is at odds with their physical sex. I would add to that definition "in any discernible degree". Keep in mind, however, that I would get arguments from some people on adding that phrase. This is internal TG squabbling, you understand :-), but I've seen it. However, my definition, with the 'in degree' add-on, is the most accepted one.
Which brings us into transsexual. A TS is someone whose internal gender identification is at odds with their physical (birth) sex in the strongest possible degree. This generally leads them to use medical and/or surgical remedies to correct that imbalance. (I say 'generally' instead of 'always' because money is an issue--I'll get back to that.)
I'm not TS. If you think of gender identity plotted on something akin to the Kinsey Scale, a TS would be a 6. Someone completely comfortable with their gender/sex identity would be a zero. I'm a 4 or 5--clearly not a 6. I have found ways to live 'male' and have no desire to go through the whole hormones/surgery thing. (The hoops TS people have to go through are astounding.)
But I know TSs. You all do, too, at least one--Robyn Serven, who's been very vocal here about this whole Coulter thing. Robyn is a transwoman--someone born physically male, who took steps to correct that. (A transman is just the opposite--born physically female.)
I do not know Robyn well enough to speak for her about this, but I have other TS friends--all transwomen--and I will speak for them: they're not men, they never were, and to call them men is the highest of insults.
This is where we get back to the gender/sex thing. All of the transwomen I know were, of course, born physically male. They were born with the requisite dangly bits. And--and this is the point--all of them considered those male dangly bits something akin to a birth defect. All of them couldn't wait to rid themselves of said birth defect. And some of them had to wait a good long time, because we're talking about an operation that costs about 20K and is not covered by many insurance plans. And you have to start taking hormones--and living full-time as a woman--before you ever get approved for the operation. Which, as the city manager in Florida just illustrated, may get you fired from your job. Which leaves you shit out of luck in coming up with the 20K to correct your birth defect.
Any questions as to why TS people commit suicide at absolutely sickening rates?
This is what you're opening up when you take a person that you (erroneously) think is TS and call her a 'man'. The best analogy I can come up with is this: would you go up to a quadrepeligic in a wheelchair and ask them to dance? Repeatedly? In a mocking tone? Would that be an oh-so-noble exercise in 'free speech'? Or would it be unspeakably cruel?
TS people, when they decide to transition, often risk everything. Jobs, families, friends, you name it. Then you add the enormous financial/emotional resources required to do it. It's amazing anyone ever goes through with it. But, as a TS friend once told me, "It was either fix the problem, or die."
I'm in a different place. I've come to terms with staying phsically male. But I do crossdress. And I'm far more comfortable with myself when I'm 'presenting' female. However, I don't 'pass' particularly well. So, yeah, you'd be apt to spot that I'm 'really' a 'guy'.
Even though I'm doing everything within my power, at that time, for you to not see me as 'male'. You'll still 'spot' me. And be oh-so-fucking-proud of yourself, no doubt. And, remember, that particular bit of resentful venom comes from someone who's come to terms with being mostly, most of the time, male.
Imagine how it feels to someone who spent thousands of dollars and buckets of tears to cut the male parts off.
Think about it.