Since my husband has deployed, I haven’t heard one thing from any Family Readiness Group (FRG). None of my husband’s command here at BAMC have checked in on me. No one from the 1st Cavalry FRG out of Ft. Hood has called to see how I’m doing. I could be dead or in a hospital somewhere, and my husband wouldn’t know about it (at least not from the military "support" system, anyways).
So for all those National Guard and Reserve families who have complained about not having any support system because they aren’t active duty military; don’t worry, the active duty family members are getting the shaft too.
Deployments are when you find out that there is a big difference between "supporting the troops" as a noun, and "supporting the troops" as a verb. As a military spouse, I’d appreciate a lot more verb and a lot less noun...
Thankfully, I’m pretty self sufficient and can survive on my own with a little help from my friends, coworkers, and a few wonderful neighbors. I can manage our finances (I know, this isn't a big deal, but you’d be surprised at how many military wives don’t know how to balance a checkbook), vehicles, household repairs, and almost anything else that can and will crop up, by myself (mostly). I am "okay" with not getting any support from the military. I’m just irritated at what the reality is, Vs. the illusions propagated by politicians and the military about how helpful they are to the families left behind. I guess the word "Helpful" is relative.
Deployments are also when you find out who your friends really are. The ones who take a minute to call and make sure that you’re still breathing, to see if you need anything, or if you want to meet for dinner. Those are the real friends. Invitations for a dinner or movie out with company are the deployment Holy Grail for the left behind spouses. A day spent shopping with a good friend? Heaven on earth; it provides a welcome diversion from the 24/7/365 worry that has otherwise invaded all facets of my life.
Real friends don't look at you like you're crazy when you tell them about the time you were so depressed and lonely and exhausted from worrying that you took the aerosol can of whipped cream out of the fridge and squirted it directly into your mouth. Repeatedly.
If you’re still reading this diary, and if you know someone whose loved one is deployed; please make a phone call. You’ll be glad you did, and so will they.
The fake friends ask you how you’re doing, but you can tell they neither care, nor want to hear your answer if it is anything but "Good, thanks." The fake friends want you around only to make themselves look like they "support the troops." It gets really old to be introduced as "Meet Silvercedes, her husband is in Iraq, you know..." (Yes, thanks for reminding me that there is an empty side of the bed at my house). I was their token military friend. It’s like I turned into some sort of affirmative action goal or something. Since I am not a trick pony, I dropped out of that particular horse show.
For the most part, I have great neighbors. Two couples on my street are retired military (Vietnam Vets), so when they see me outside they take a few minutes to come over and ask if I need anything. The guys tell me that they appreciated others taking care of their families when they were away from home, so they are repaying the favor.
Last Christmas Eve, I was up really late at night because Matt had called from Baghdad. My doorbell rang, and my neighbors, Rick and Amanda had come over to see if I was okay. They saw the lights on past my normal bedtime and were worried about me. Have I mentioned that I love my neighbors?
Two weeks ago, I needed a tree trimmed, and before I even mentioned hiring an arborist, or asked for recommendations, Roy and Pat were running to get their chainsaws, ropes and hammers. I think it was excitement over having an excuse to use power tools, but the tree in my backyard got its branches thinned out in less than an hour. They refused any type of payment, saying that instead, they preferred a neighborhood barbecue when Matt is home on R&R.
Welcome to Texas, where mesquite roasted meat, potato salad, and beer are acceptable forms of currency.
Today, friends and neighbors of the families of Brian Ritzberg, Bradley King, David Mejias, Eric Vick, William Bowling, Robert McDowell, Daniel Olsen, Miguel Marcial III, Neale Shank, Curtis Spivey, and Gabriel Figueroa will be put to the ultimate test. As the rubber hits the road, what kind of friends and neighbors will they choose to be? Will they step up and take care of the families left behind?
All of the U.S. fatalities can be seen here or here. They all had loved ones, families and friends. The DoD news releases are here.
I Got the News Today is a diary series intended to honor, respect and remind. This series is maintained by i dunno, with the help of Sandy on Signal, monkeybiz and myself.
Click here for the previous diary in this series or click the IGTNT tag.