I have secretly been working for Guiliani's campaign for the past 4 months and I have to tell you us Repubelicans are hankering for a real man to lead this country. Guiliani has been all pomp and no circumstance! He has no military/taekwondo training,hell even most of us believe he doesn't workout much. This leaves our party in a dangerous position: due to the recent Zeitgeist videos and other internet conspiracies nobody will believe us when we tell them that tower 7 accidentally fell when Guiliani called down Zeus-like divine retribution on Al Qaeda from the Heavens with his thundering virile voice.
Based on many factors the obvious candidate of choice for the Republicans is listed below the fold!
Not only will he destroy Democratic hopes for 2008 he will piss on our dreams! ....and roundhouse kick our communist-girlymannish liberals to the curb.
I do indeed believe this man will be the GOP candidate of choice in 2008. In fact the Dems will leap behind him in sheer panic!!!!
Behold....My reasoning shall astound you!
1. He perfectly fits the whole Republican Manliness Mantra that the repubes have so skillfully and distastefully woven into the flag of the US of A.
2. Roundhouse kicks to the face are a bitchin' way to disenfranchise voters! Perfect Scare Tactic!!
3. He's an actor...kinda. (The kinda' part is kickass because it distances him from the Hollywood Liberal Elite..much like Grampy Ronnie.)
4. Dude screw handguns. The liberals are against nunchucks and ninja stars...what a travesty!! Chuck LET OUR PEOPLE GO!!
5. Besides ninjastars and swords Chucky has something else up his sleeves. After advertising for school prayer on the 700 club (i'm not making that up.), he has devised a unique marketing strategy..perfect for bumper stickers and sound byte clips to be used ad nauseum by our guys in the talk radio industry. "Cap'm Jesus says "Aye" to Chuck Norris For President!"
- We shall be victorious!!