You know, for the longest time I felt I was pretty much on my own in this mad world. I was my own advocate. If I didn't work hard, I'd probably be pretty darn screwed up. Nobody looked out for my interests.
Until yesterday when I learned that I am represented by a Lobbyist. I'll call him Loopy. Loopy Lobbyist.
Now, I feel a LOT better.
Now, if I need something. say a new car or a new house, I'll just send Loopy to the Hill and s/he'll get it for me. I'm not gonna worry to much about how much I pay Loopy, because s/he will get me that house for pennies, and all that money I will have saved will more than pay for Loopy's salary. This how it works for Big Pharma so it MUST be how it works for me.
Loopy will take my senator out to fancy vacations and make my senator feel really good about working for me. Loopy's got character. Well, not a ton of character b/c Loopy worked for Big Coal before me, but Loopy's really changed this time around. Besides, Loopy used to sit on the house appropriations ctm so s/he knows a thing or two about getting cash from the big house. All his friends still work on the Hill and Loopy was always good to them.
And Loopy will be good to me.
Not so fortunately, Loopy was good at what he did for big Coal, which happens to own a plant right down the block from me. Can you believe it? Loopy worked to allow big Coal to pollute my block. No worries though. Because I am represented by a Lobbyist, I just send Loopy over to capital hill and he makes sure that big Coal doesnt pollute anymore. its amazing really. with Loopy the Lobbyist working for average people like me, i dont have to contend with pollution.
lately ive been feeling old and ill and will likely need govt assistance to cover my growing drug bills. at first i was having trouble doing this, but with Loopy at my side, I've got all the cheap drugs I could ever need.
and the last thing im worried about is keeping my job, because, by golly, loopy was up on the hill working all his connections just to make sure that average people like me will have opportunities galore.
Loopy, is a great gal/guy. And i'm happy that he/she is my lobbyist. i'd be ever happier if he/she actually existed.
Until then, I'll have to write my own diaries.