I haven't been around here all that long. Last year's Yearly Kos brought me on board. I only post about once a month. Having finally understood after many years that I have more to learn than I have to teach, I prefer to spend my time in the comment threads.
I've met a lot of great folks here. I often scan the recent diaries, looking for the last post by one of my favorite diarists. I know that if I invest my time with people like nyceve, teacherken or jerome a paris, that time will be well spent. I will emerge with a deeper understanding of an important issue, and will have had an opportunity to converse with some very bright people.
With primary season upon us, however, you have to wade through a lot of bullshit to get there, don't you? Oh, I know, I'm not the first to complain about this problem. I'm sure I won't be the last. How many of you have clicked on a diary in innocent confusion about what would be lurking there, or maybe even in full awareness of what you were getting into but unable to look away, like a rush hour rubbernecker, then walk away from you computer swearing that you won't come back until the convention?
You know the crap I'm talking about. Endless, pointless diatribes about the evils of Candidate X. Full of intellectual dishonesty, deliberate lies of ommission, sweeping generalizations, slippery slopes and scathing insults; all spinned so hard you have to hold on to your chair to keep your drink down. Racists criticizing sexism, and sexists criticizing racism. Every published comment by even the most minor of campaign staffers subjected to the degree of analysis normally reserved for international crises. Thousands of words devoted to the diarists candidate of choice, his annointed savior, with nary a one of those words actually containing any substantive information about the candidate the diarist claims to support.
All sound and fury, signifying nothing. Contributing to the great Conversation of Democracy, nothing. After wasting my time on one of these cow flops, I have learned, exactly, nothing.
Well, I guess that's not fair. I can't say that I've learned nothing. Here, in summary, is what I've learned during primary season on Daily Kos:
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1) Barack Hussein Obama is an empty bag of air.
A young, inexperienced, do-nothing politician who should have stayed in Chicago. He's not ready for the national stage, and is buying voters with the race card. His older supporters are well intentioned fools who are voting for him to expiate their "white guilt," and his younger supporters are witless children who lay down and spread their legs as soon as Barack said the word, "hope." Hope for what? This guy is a clever orator in a nice suit without a policy position firm enough to hang a dishrag on. When he takes the oath of office, he'll probably just say, "present."
Not that it matters, because he will never get there. The Republicans will tear him apart. Have we become so deluded in our confidence for '08 that we're going to send a coke sniffing Muslim to the General Election? You, for one, are not going to sit by and watch us hand over to the Republicans our only chance to take this country back just because some of us can't resist the opportunity to vote for a black guy.
2) 1-800 Edwards is a liar and a charlatan.
A millionaire ambulance chaser with a $400 haircut who decided to spout Populist rhetoric after reading a poll that said Americans want a fighter. The guy's never had an idea of his own that didn't start with, "How will this play in Peoria?" His supporters are the most pathetic deluded fools to ever disgrace the name of Democrat. Do you really think all that "rise up" crap is going to survive even one day in the Oval Office? Even if it did, exactly how does he plan on making it stick? Is he going to round up all the CEOs in a room and get the Secret Service to beat 'em up? This is the kind of fantasy nonsense that makes Harry Potter look like a docudrama.
Besides, he cannot win. What's worse is that many Edwards supporters know this, and they don't care. They're clinging to this candidate like a child with a headless Barbie, and are spoling, quite literally, the most important election in 50 years. You have no respect for anyone who will not accept reality and transfer their support to a viable candidate. Preferrably, yours.
3) Hillary Rodham Lieberman Clinton is a corporatist, soulless, lying, racist bitch.
Since she's really a Republican anyway, you'd rather vote for a real Republican. At least you would know what you were getting. Hillary thinks she's entitled to the Presidency because she has the Clinton machine behind her. Well, you'll leave the Democratic Party before you'll sanction another 4 years of the Billary dynasty. And you won't fall for her race baiting and dirty campaign tricks for one second, because you're a true Democrat.
Did I cover everyone? Oh, wait...
4) Dennis Kucinch is an elf.
There. I think that about covers it. You see? You really have made your point. We heard you. We get it.
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Now, you can SHUT THE FUCK UP.
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For those of you who've never been in this position before, and have never had an opportunity to learn how to SHUT THE FUCK UP, here is my easy 4 step plan for success:
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Step one: SHUT THE FUCK UP.
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Step two: Lie down in a dark room and close your eyes. Repeat the following mantra:
"I will SHUT THE FUCK UP. I understand that insulting people and starting fights with strangers on the internet will not win anyone to my point of view. I pledge to hold my future writings at least to the standards of quality and decency I would expect from a tenth grader. I will be kind to my fellow Kossacks, my mother, and small animals."
Take a pill or something if you need to. And feel free to periodically stop, open your eyes and verify that you are, in fact, continuing to SHUT THE FUCK UP.
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Step three: Get a hobby. Leave the computer alone for a while, hot stuff. Now is the perfect opportunity for you to get the basement cleaned out, write the "thank you" cards for your last baby shower, or take up needlepoint. Be creative. Life awaits.
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Step four: When you feel calm and centered, try returning to your computer. Write a post. Read it through. Have you written a substantive diary that does not accuse, insult or impugn anyone? If not, return to step one, SHUT THE FUCK UP, and proceed as outlined above.
If you have written something you find you can be proud of, great! You've won! You can return to DKos comfortable in the knowledge that it will be a better place for your contribution. Hit "post," and sit back and think about all the wonderful things you've accomplished. The basement is clean, the thank you cards are done, and you've learned some new skills. And as the mojo pours in for your exceptional work, you'll be glad that you finally, after many years of being told and stubbornly refusing, decided to SHUT THE FUCK UP.
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UPDATE: First time on the Rec List. I love you guys! And your candidates, too! I hope you love me and my candidate. And I'll be proud of myself if you can't tell, based on this diary, who my candidate is...