Hope is a scary thing. Especially for a cynic like me.
Which is why I'm tempted to tell you that the reason that there's an Obama link in the top right corner of my website is because I dislike Hillary so much that I'll support the next most viable candidate to oppose her. I could tell you that the idea of a Hillary presidency gives me nightmares, thinking of all of the back room deals that will mean that the business of the last eight years will carry on as usual, to the detriment of my country, my civil rights, and my fellow Americans.
I've been on record time and again supporting Edwards in his bid for the Presidency. When he ran in '04, there was something about him, a shine to him, that was irresistible. I had an Edwards button on my backpack and I followed his campaign closely. When Kerry picked him up as the VP candidate, I was delighted. Suddenly the Kerry Presidency seemed a whole lot more palatable. So, I added a Kerry button to my Edwards button and I got my butt out on the street and I held signs and registered voters for Kerry/Edwards. And I told all of my friends and colleagues with great confidence that of course Kerry and Edwards would win. Kerry, and especially Edwards, were selling hope. And Bushco was still selling fear. And people would always choose hope over fear. Always.
To say that the 2004 election was a great disappointment would be an understatement. I buckled up for the bumpy ride.
I realized recently that somewhere in the last three years I lost my hope for a better country. I can't tell you exactly when I lost it, but I know that when Alito and Roberts were confirmed, I lost a lot of it. I lost some when I found out about Abu Ghraib, and then more when I found out about the cover-ups trying to hide how bad it really was. I lost hope when stories came out about Gitmo and when judges starting to confirm that it was perfectly acceptable practice for the United States of America to hold people for years with no charges and no trial. That trials could be held in private, with secret evidence that the accused could not know, and therefore could not defend themselves against. I lose hope every single time that I read a story about someone being abused by airport security. Every time I read a story about a taser being used against an unarmed person. Every time I find out that I'm being spied on by my government. Every time an American or Iraqi dies in the name of "freedom."
Do you see how these constant assaults on what I believed to be true and good could make me lose hope?
Once I lost my faith in god. I hadn't known I had faith until I lost it. I've been discovering that hope is kind of like that. I didn't know how much I missed having hope until I started to feel hope again. And I didn't start to feel it again until I saw Obama take the Iowa Caucuses. And then the South Carolina Primary. Listening to him handle the Clintons, rebut and refute their lies, twisted words and parsed phrases has led me to hope. Hope for something finer than what we have today. Hope for democracy and not dynasty. Hope for an end to the war, a restoration of our rights, our Constitution, a repeal of this ridiculous war on terror.
I am tempted to tell you any number of reasons why there is an Obama ad in the upper right corner of my website. But the truth is that it's because Obama has given me cause to hope. And that hope feels really good.