Buying votes with ice cream! I'm outraged!
Criminal fat enablers Ben and Jerry have admitted bribing voters.
The founders of Ben & Jerry's endorsed Barack Obama on Monday, and lent his Vermont campaign two "ObamaMobiles" that will tour the state and give away scoops of "Cherries for Change" ice cream.
Politics has fallen to a shoddy state of affairs when voters are being coerced with sweet, creamy, fruity treats. Delicious, mouth-watering, calorie-fueled, carb-infested thigh increasers.
So the cult of Obamamania has fallen to a new low, seducing not only the youth vote, but every man, woman, and child in our obese nation. Just when we thought we were safe, just when all the candy our coworkers dumped in the breakroom after Valentine's Day is gone. Ice cream.
Global climate change may play a part here too, in an unseasonably warm winter in the Northeast. Normally ice cream in February would be tempting, but not as seductive as in yesterday's 60-degree heat wave.
And Ben and Jerry take this opportunity to bribe voters with ice cream, just when colony collapse just might make ice cream an endangered species.
Abandon all hope.