No one doubts that Hillary Rodham Clinton would like to move beyond recent coverage of her memories of Bosnia. She did so today with stunning skill and professionalism. In a refreshingly candid interview this morning, Hillary Rodham Clinton spoke of her childhood. In the interest of reinforcing her claim to be the "most transparent candidate," she commented on her parents, childhood, and early adolescence in no uncertain terms.
Journalists and pundits worldwide are heralding her bravery and heroism for being so forthright with the American people:
"Forget Pinnochio, we give her four stars, Hollywood stars" -The Washington Post
"Whew, we were starting to worry about having endorsed her" -The New York Times
"Finally, a candidate with the type of cajones it will take to turn this economy around" -The Wall Street Journal
"Where have I heard that before?" -Wayne Campbell
Displaying her famous, hallmark modesty, she begins her account humbly:
"The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it."
After a slightly uncomfortable pause by the anchorperson, she added:
"I certainly remember that. That’s what did happen."