In a major shift in policy today, Barack Obama, who has vowed all election season to have a salad, instead ordered a large bowl of lettuce along with tomato slices, cucumbers, carrot shavings, a hard boiled egg, as well as cut up pieces of ham, salami and cheese.
The Republican party, understandably, jumped on this shocking change in strategy:
"Look, Senator Obama said, 'salad,' and the American people heard, 'salad,' but then to go and introduce this cut up lettuce disaster..." columnist, strategist, and former lying shitbag Karl Rove said this morning. "I don't know what Senator Obama thinks he's proposing, but the voters will see it for what it is... a STEAK!"
Republican Presidential candidate John McCain agreed with Rove, predicting that Obama's change in wording would hurt him going forward.
"People want a straight talker," said the Senior Senator from Arizona as he licked clean the bottom of the boots of the Religious Right. "You just can't say one thing one day and then, when your running for President, say something else. Now if you'll excuse me I need to go make George Bush's tax cuts permanent, repeal Roe Vs. Wade, introduce ethanol legislation, and have the Confederate flag tattooed on my gravity-challenged taint!"
Mike Duncan, the Head of the Republican National Committee, took the criticism even further. "Voters might understand a Caesar or a Caprese or even a Niçoise, if the tuna were seared properly, but what Senator Huessein Osama-- I mean Senator Idi Amin-- I mean Emperor Hirohito is talking about is a flip-flop."
Mr. Duncan, in charge of getting more small-government Republicans elected to office this election season, then proceeded to scream the phrases "flip-flop", "flop-flip", and "floppity-flippity" at the top of his lungs, while simultaneously holding his ear up to a glass placed against the bedroom door of a homosexual couple.
"They'd better be doing yoga in there," he then mumbled.
All Republicans vowed to continue to highlight Mr. Obama other shocking policy changes, like his decision to stop drinking "pop" in favor of "soda" and his choice to have the "flapjacks" when he's vowed all along to have the "pancakes".