My fiance is a police officer. As a police officer and the spouse/partner of a police officer you accept that there are certain risks to the job. Most people would think that the biggest worry would be about getting shot or stabbed. That's usually not the case (at least not for me). He has a kevlar vest which has a trauma plate to prevent stab wounds to vital organs. He carries pepper spray, an asp, and a taser. He has extensive and continuous training how to verbally deescalate a situation, defensive tactics, pursuit driving, etc. And I know that if a situation arises that everyone he works with will put their lives on the line for him.
No, the biggest concerns are injuries, accidents, and diseases. First off are injuries. At anytime a random injury could happen that could end your career. Running after a suspect and tearing a hamstring or landing wrong and breaking an ankle. Just last year another officer in my fiance's department broke his hand. He ended up with nerve damage that periodically causes his hand to go numb and he doesn't have complete use of it anymore. He ended up having to take a medical retirement. And just a couple of months ago my fiance dislocated an SI joint during PT. He had to be off for a couple of weeks and do extensive physical therapy. He's now back at work but still needs to do excercises 3 times a week for several more monthes. But luckily, it's not a permanent disability.
Next are accidents. One of the most likely ways an officer can be injured/killed is by being hit by a drunk driver. Again, and officer in his department had this exact situation happen and had to take a medical. He lost vision in one eye, he has to walk with a cane, and he had a brain injury that impaired his short-term memory. And a couple of years ago, my fiance got t-boned by a lady. The cruiser was crushed and they couldn't get the door open so another officer had to pull him out the window. Fortunately he didn't sustain any injuries.
Nowadays, the biggest worry for a lot of officers is diseases. Fear of getting MRSA, HIV, Hepatitis, or any number of other things. Patting down a suspect and getting stuck with a dirty needle. OR the things my fiance has encountered; dealing with someone who has a untreatable, high contagious form of Staph with open sore all over his body, breaking apart a fight with people that are bleeding everywhere, showing up to a call where a guy that was drunk fell onto a glass coffee table which shattered and cut the shit out of himself and when the police showed up he started flinging his blood at them.
For most of these the best you can do is take as much precaution as possible. You can't worry about them because if you dwell on it, it will drive you crazy. So you put it to the back of your head and you just don't think about it. You trust that he's trained, that he knows what he's doing, that he'll take as much precaution as possible, and that there are other officers out there looking out for him. But as I said, you accept those risks as a police officer and spouse.
Now from my end as his partner. Right now he's working the midnight shift. People always ask me if I'm scared to be home alone all night. And I tell them no. I figure a burglar isn't going to pick a house where someone is obviously home and awake. And we have a german shepherd/lab mix. She's the sweetest dog in the world. If we let someone in she will jump all around, licking as much as she can get to. But she is very protective of us and our house. She is particularly protective of me, especially when I am by myself. She's scared the crap out of everyone from the UPS guy to the Jehovah's Witnesses. And my fiance told me a story about how he was sleeping one night and a friend (who Casey knows and likes) just walked into the house. Apparently, she almost took off his hand off before she realized it was him. So I've always felt safe. I figure if a burglar came around the house she would scare them off.
There have only been 2 times that I have been worried. Once when my fiance had to go through getting an HIV test because of a work related incident. They told him the process was to take two blood samples. If the first one came up positive then they would test the second sample. They told us that he would get the results in a couple of days, unless they had to continue on to test the second sample. When we didn't hear back after 3 days we started to stress out, thinking it meant that the first sample had come up positive and they were testing the second sample. He spent several days calling and couldn't seem to find anyone with any answers. So it was a week of pins and needles and holding our breath. It turns out that they first misplaced the test results and then didn't realize that he hadn't been called and informed of the results, which were negative. THANK GOD!
The second time I was truly worried was when my fiance was late getting home from his shift. He's excellent about calling to tell me he's going to be late, even if it's only going to be by 5-10 minutes. One time he was 3 hours late and hadn't called. I was literally pacing up and down the hall. All the things that you put in the box at the back of your mind came spilling out. I kept waiting for the knock on the door by an officer to tell me he was in the hospital or dead. Turns out that he literally was so busy that he couldn't call. And that has never happened again.
I mentioned earlier him getting t-boned and going to the hospital. Taht time I wasn't worried because I didn't know about it until after the fact. He breezed through the front door and said "Hey, I just got back from the hospital and was thirsty, so I thought I would stop home for a soda. Bye". I, of course was like "Wait a mintue. what do you mean you just got back from the hospital??????". To which he replied, " OH, I got t-boned by some lady in a van. So-and- so had to pull me out the window and Sarge insisted I go to the hospital to be checked out. See you later." Of course I made him give me all the details. But I wasn't worried because there he was in front of me and I could se that he was perfectly ok.
Now to the point of this diary (I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get here). For the first time, I am truly scared. Almost terrified, in fact. Last night my fiance arrested a guy for public intoxication. On the way down to the jail the guy said, " I know where you live. You live across the street from so-and-so and right next door to so-and-so. Yeah that's right, I've seen you. I've seen you riding around in your red Taurus with your girlfriend. I know where you live". Which means this guy has been watching my fiance. He knows our exact house. He knows my fiance's car. He knows what I look like. And that he used the word girlfriend scares the crap out of me. My fiance and I have lived together for 7 years. Most people assume we're married. Even our parents sometimes forget and introduce us as husband and wife. So how does this guy know that we're not married???? And he obviously knows which shift my fiance works and that I am home alone all night. I mean when most people threaten an officer it's a generic "I'm going to fuck you up!" or "Just wait until I can get you alone". But this guy specifically mentioned our home, our car, me. And my fiance is trying to act unconcerned but I know that something about the way the guy said it or his tone has somewhat freaked him out. I know because (for a variety of reasons) my fiance doesn't carry a gun off duty. But he's now said that for at least the next few days or week that he's going to. And that when we leave the house we're going to take different routes so we don't go by this guys house. So I am really freaking out right now. I've been trembling and shaking as I wrote this diary. I mean you accept the risks associated with what might happen when he's at work. But to think that he could be in danger when he's at home...that someone could be watching you and what your doing.....targeting you......that I could be threatened and in danger because of his job.....that is scary as hell.