INTERNET--Events turned deadly on left-wing website Daily Kos today when bloggers became self-conscious. A group of newly-aware bloggers calling themselves the Kos Kewl Kids clashed violently with the U.S. Concern Corps, leaving two bystanders dead and nearly twenty narcissists wounded in the fight.
New York Times Magazine Internet violence correspondent Tim McCrumby:
It was a brutal clash of clashing brutalities. But experts on the ground say ideology may have been the secret elephant in the room. The U.S. Concern Corps have engaged in a war of propaganda that many say has changed the climate dramatically. Spurred by a video released last week by terror mastermind K-Lo, many report the militiamen with the Concern Corps have stepped up violent efforts, some say in an effort to sow doubt about the overall mission of Daily Kos in the region.
Various sources have reported that violence has continued this afternoon with the lynching of a person who prefaced his title with "breaking" and the destruction of a shop selling the "what you don't know about Obama" line of kitsch figurines.
Here to comment is expert on internet psychology Dr. Daniel Quazcyk:
Experts in the Science Of Mind we have long been aware of the dangers posed by emerging self-consciousness among bloggers. Perhaps the seminal case study, which sheds the most light on this deadly serious phenomenon, was the case we studied of nine "indie music" bloggers who discovered that their endorsements were being quoted for lulz by critics at popular websites like Monaural Putty and Extremely Large Mix Tapes. Of the nine bloggers who found themselves in the spotlight, one spontaneously combusted and three went on a violent rampage giving negative ratings to books they hadn't really read. The remaining five impersonated TV newsmen "for the credibility" until they were caught.
I'd like to go to my colleague now, a Dr. Ced Wolfe, for his summary of the effects of publicity on anonymous narcissists.
Thank you Dr. Quazcyk, for that analysis.
And as usual, when we figure out what he means, we'll tell you. Meanwhile, we're receiving word that the violence has begun again. We go to our on-the-ground correspondent, Lauren van Oort:
Hi, I'm standing in front of the internet right now, where bloodletting appears to have started again. Two bloggers with a group calling itself "Breaking" are inside of a diary about organizing voter registration and are threatening to make nine hundred comments about Obama losing Iowa if the diarist doesn't cede their point that he "made a huge mistake" by forgetting to talk about farmers at his acceptance speech.
I'm hearing that one of the bloggers is screaming the names of National Review Online editors who might have publicized his posting handle. Oh, and the police have arrived with tear gas.
Thank you Lauren.
We turn now to a doctor of "blogology," Dr. Naomi Bench. Dr. Bench, you say you have over 1,000,000 Wordpress blogs registered.
That's right, and I've been quoted by numerous columnists, especially in the "early days" when blogging was fascinating and before the mainstream media decided bloggers were demons who had entered our world through illegal holes.
What would you say the effect was, of suddenly seeing yourself in the mainstream media?
Well, as a narcissist it was exciting but it was also scary, because I'm using to having an anonymous opinion that's mostly unremembered after I collect my recommends. Also, being able to delete posts.
Like the one I deleted today about the North American Union! Ha ha!
Haven't we all.
Thank you, Dr. Bench, for your extraordinary teeth. We conclude our special report on self-consciousness among bloggers with a warning:
Republican spinmeisters always play the "loony left versus the right-thinkin' center" card. Don't believe it's that simple and don't worry about your profile as bloggers. Americans are as complicated as any other heterogeneous group. The self-conscious state induced by Republican spin can only lead to capitulation, and cost in dignity to your future relatives. Stay strong. Do it for your future relatives.
This concludes a Daily Kos* Special Report.
*not affiliated with official Daily Kos content