As the economy crashes around us, Troopergate takes on a new life and McCain slips further into some crazy delusional bizzario fantasy world where the economy is not only fundamentally sound but where he invented the Blackberry, I pondered back to a simpler time a mere 19 days ago to....
Day 1: Friday, August 29, 2008
Day after the DNC - here I am up early, surfing the Internet. Must admit I’m feeling pretty damn good about being a Democrat today. Our guy can really give a speech. – Wait - What’s this? Breaking news – Sarah Palin, Alaska Governor chosen as McCain’s VP nomination
Who? Who that heck is Sarah Palin? What is this? Her nomination is supposed to woo the disenfranchised Hillary supporter to the "Other" side? Oh no! I like Hillary. Am I going to be 'torn'? I better see what this is all about...
Off to Wikipedia...
Wow, she’s pretty cute for a Governor and so young and so many kids and wow she hunts moose and wow one of her kid’s is only 4 months old and has Down’s syndrome – Wow! Wow! Wow! What a coup for the other side – They have found Superwoman.
Oh wait... There’s more – She’s currently under investigation – but hey doesn’t that brother-in-law Wooten sounds like a jerk and not to worry, she’s saying to "bring it on, she has nothing to hide" – so I’m sure there is nothing there.
Oh wait what’s this. There’s more... She is anti-choice, doesn’t support abortion even in case of rape and incest, is in favor of teaching Creationism in schools, is opposed to sex-education, promotes abstinence instead of birth control. Hmmmm. That doesn’t sound like too much like Hillary. In fact, that doesn’t like Hillary – at all.
But hey those are sure cute kids she has so I’m sure all that must work for her! Wait what are those names again? Track, Trig, Bristol, Willow and Piper.... Wait a minute, are we going to find some confessions of mind-altering drugs in her past? I mean really, Track and Trig? Who names their kids after their High School classes? Oh wait, yes, I see she did say she smoked pot back when it was legal but didn’t like it! That explains it. Bad pot experiences must result in a form of brain damage that directly correlates to how someone names their kids. (Seriously Jason Lee – put down the Chronic!)
Day 2: Saturday, August 30, 2008
Wow – world is going crazy with Sarah Palintitis. Obama who?
She is more than Superwoman – she is SuperReformer who singlehandedly brought down the corrupt Republican party in Alaska and blocked the ‘Bridge to Nowhere" – Huh? Bridge to Where? Nowhere? Well of course she blocked it – That’s a stupid place to put a bridge! If you are going to build a bridge, at least put it ‘somewhere’!
And why do they keep talking about this silly Troopergate? This must be a Democrat smear campaign. Oh wait, bi-partisan independent investigation – hmmm – oh well I’m sure there is nothing there. But hey, blocking that bridge – good stuff there.
Day 3: Saturday, August 31, 2008
Crazy Palin rumor day. Kos is exploding over diary(s) saying 5th baby – baby Geom, oops, I mean baby Trig might not be hers. She is covering for teen daughter Bristol. Pictures everywhere but none of a pregnant, Sarah Palin anywhere. Kos very divided on this – not anyone’s business. Gotta agree but man, this stuff is juicy. But hey, she really is Superwoman. Water broke in Texas (month early) but no problems, she gives speech, hops on an airplane, flies back to Alaska with stop-over in Seattle and drives an hour, arriving in Wassilla about 10 hours later, to have baby Trig safely in the confines of Wassilla, Alaska – What’s the big deal? The Todd (first dood) explains it perfectly – "Can’t have an Alaskan fish-picker born in Texas." (Note to self: need to find out what exactly is a fish-picker? The only pickers I have knowledge of start with nose....) Man I’m in awe of SuperSarah and boy do I feel like such a wus. When I was 43 and having my 4th baby and my water broke, I went straight to the hospital and had my baby 4 hours later. Probably explains why I never had any fish pickers for kids, only the other kind.
Day 4: Monday, September 1, 2008
Ouch - Because of us liberal bloggers and our ugly smear campaign , our poor beleaguered SuperSarah must break the sad, tragic, but uplifting news that oldest daughter, dear Bristol, age 17, is pregnant. Not to fear though, they still love her and she will marry the baby daddy so everything is wonderful! It really is a wonderful life in Wassilla where life begins at 17 when you get to drop out of high school and marry your self-proclaimed "redneck" boyfriend who also dropped out of high school. But still, those kids are really cute together....
Day 5: Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Wow, I’m learning soooo much. For example, I now know that one should not confuse the Alaskan Independence Party (AKIP) with that other Independent party. Here is the difference: One was founded by a Segregationist and the other was founded by a Secessionist. However I’m sure that AKIP founder, Joe Vogler, is just a harmless colorful old coot with a knack for turning a clever phrase. I’m still chuckling over his funny little homily: "I'm an Alaskan, not an American. I've got no use for America or her damned institutions." That there is some knee-slapping funny stuff...
Another ugly rumor is going around (started I’m sure by left-wing bloggers - you know who you are!) saying our SecessionistSuperstarSarah was a member of this AKIP. Damn you liberals! It wasn’t Sarah who was the member, it was The Todd – the first dood! Get your facts straight. Stop the madness and lay off Sarah! All she did was tell them to "keep up the good work" last year at their convention. Geez, liberals!!! All they do is lie...
Day 6:
Oops, speaking of lies. Apparently our SillySarah told a tiny, itsy, little bitty one. Remember that bridge to Nowhere she blocked? Well apparently she didn’t quite block it. In fact, apparently she ran for Governor on the platform of supporting the bridge and apparently she only decided a Bridge to Nowhere wasn’t such a good idea after Congress told her it wasn’t such a good idea and they wouldn’t fund the bridge (but Alaska could keep the money.) And this is when Sarah said "Thanks but no Thanks!" hmmmm. Okay she didn’t actually say, "Thanks but no Thanks!" I think she really said, "Thanks for the money..." Not quite as catchy, but it means the same thing right?
Days are running together now. I can’t eat, drink or sleep. I’ve become addicted to blogs and I’m horrified with the lies that come out on an hourly basis about SaintSarah...
Just a few..
• Sarah asked Wassilla librarian to Ban Book! – Lie! Sarah never asked the librarian to ban books – she just asked her IF she was okay with banning books and how one might go about getting books banned if a concerned parent asked! The fact she tried to fire the librarian a few months later has nothing to do with it! Seriously! Nothing! Move on folks– nothing here...
• Sarah supported Pat Buchanan – Lie! Sarah never supported Pat Buchanan. She just wore a Pat Buchanan pin because as Sarah said, "When presidential candidates visit our community, I am always happy to meet them. I’ll even put on their button when handed one as a polite gesture of respect. " She was just being polite!!!! Can’t someone be polite anymore without being accused of supporting a racist candidate? Heck I saw her wearing a Polar Bear pin and you know how she feels about them!
• Sarah charged Rape Assault victims for their rape kits – Lie! Sarah didn’t charge the victims. The city she was mayor of charged them! Facts people!
• Sarah has no experience in foreign policy – Lie! She can see friggin’ Russia from her backdoor! How much foreign policy experience does someone need! Come on people. I can’t see Russia from my backyard? Can you???? I didn’t think so.
• Sarah charged the State of Alaska $60 for every day she slept in her own house while Governor – Lie – oops - nevermind.
Looking back over these last few weeks I can see that without Sarah Palin this campaign would have become horribly boring. All anyone would have talked about is the economy and the war. I think we all need to stop our Sarah-hating just for a minute and be thankful for the gift that is Sarah Palin – a gift that just keeps on giving.
The truth is, without Sarah Palin a bunch of us would not have gotten off our lazy asses and volunteered for Obama’s campaign. Without Sarah Palin a bunch of us would not have donated money to Obama, especially after hearing her RNC acceptance speech where she sneered at Barack Obama for working as a community organizer in some of the poorest neighbors of South Chicago. But most of all, without Sarah Palin a bunch of us, especially us women, would not have realized that the Republican party has so little respect for women that they thought they could pick this anti-choice, anti-sex education, anti-environment, political neophyte and pass her off as being picked just for ‘us’ women who respected Hilary Clinton.
For all that I can only say , Thanks Sarah Palin! You rock! Keep up the good work!