Listen, I understand that people are seriously bothered by the Newsweek article that asks, "Is Obama the Antichrist?" But really, let's face it. There's a serious constituency of people for whom this is a question that needs to be addressed. And Newsweek, in its mission as a magazine that addresses issues of concern to all of its readers, not just the liberal elite, chose to shed some light on this burning question.
After all, if the 44th president turns out to be the Antichrist, that might give us pause, no?
However, there are a number of equally important (and no less reasonable) questions that Newsweek should consider addressing in future articles.
- The top question I think a number of people would like to see answered -- and I don't hesitate to say that the audience of people who would like a serious answer to this question is at least as significant as those who truly wonder whether Obama might be the Antichrist--is the following:
Is Newsweek Magazine a front organization for a right-wing extremist doomsday cult?
Consider the facts: Newsweek includes articles that would seem to be sourced from an apocalyptic end-times pentacostalist newsletter. Some would argue Newsweek could not really be selling enough magazines to justify its writers' and editors' high salaries, not to mention to high production costs of the magazine. While magazines and newspapers are going bankrupt right and left, Newsweek keeps on going, like the Energizer Bunny, even though it seems to have abandoned any pretense to actual journalism. All of this might easily be explained if Newsweek were actually just a front for a far-right doomsday cult. Follow-up research on this possibility could include phoning the Newsweek editorial offices and asking whether they have a projected date for the end of the world.
- Not everyone, however, would be interested in a story about whether Newsweek is really in league with a doomsday cult. Many media consumers, however, whether of print, electronic, or web media, are seriously interested in a thorough exploration (and, dare I say, an in-depth expose), on the following question:
Is Newsweek Magazine staffed entirely by members of Sarah Palin's immediate or extended family?
Some would argue that an organization as large as Newsweek could not be staffed only by Sarah Palin's immediate family, even given the boundless energy of Sarah herself and the tremendous outpouring of words of which she is capable (and which, obviously, could fill whole bound volumes of magazines even without the efforts of any other contributors).
Still, informed sources point out the tremendous work involved in actually producing a magazine; these experts suggest that Newsweek could be brought to press only with the involvement of Sarah Palin's extended family. Further interviews with sources close to Newsweek could shed light on just how large an operation is needed to produce a magazine that, although requiring no actual reporting of facts, nonetheless would have to maintain a staff large enough actually to get it printed and distributed.
- Many people, however, do not want to read any more Sarah Palin stories, so although article idea 2 would have a definite appeal, more ambitious editors would consider rounding it out with a bold and penetrating piece focused around the following question:
Are all Newsweek editors and writers the product of inbreeding?
Recent studies have suggested a strong positive correlation between inbreeding and journalistic forays into discussion of the end times and the antichrist. Other studies, however, indicate that other factors may play a significant role, including lack of journalistic integrity, a penchant for sensationalism, and the pure need to fill space with anything whatsoever when nothing else comes to mind.
In the final analysis, it is unclear exactly what percentage of Newsweek editors and writers are the product of inbreeding, given the high number of confounding factors, although many researchers point out that by far the vast majority of pieces published in the magazine provide serious evidence of inbreeding of all editors and reporters involved.
- Such stories as the above are aimed at a market segment strongly interested in science, but especially from an academic perspective. Many readers, however, are interested in science from a more personal point of view, such as that of their own personal health. For such readers, an article on the following question could arouse significant interest:
Is the number of editors and writers at Newsweek greater than the number of teeth they collectively possess?
With health care a growing concern, managing to pay for dental care almost gets put on the back burner. A serious look at how Newsweek editors and writers manage to cope -- or not to cope -- with the growing cost of dental care would need to examine just how many of the Newsweek staff have had half or more of their teeth from the teen years on. Interviews with selected staff members could explore how society excessively values personal appearance and how our celebrity- and beauty-obsessed culture tends to overemphasize dental hygiene, as well as the so-called scientific facts it is based on.
- Finally, an education story could be just what's needed to rope in those readers uninterested in the previous topics. As we all know, some students are naturally gifted and do well in school, while others are perpetually struggling, but we are all gifted in different ways. Sometimes a large organization needs to adopt unorthodox ways of ferreting out those special gifts that are not immediately obvious from a school transcript. So a serious and thoughtful look could be devoted to this question:
Is a triple-digit IQ an automatic disqualifier for a job as a reporter or editor at Newsweek?
In other words, is Newsweek in the vanguard of the movement to recruit intellectually challenged individuals for top posts in journalism? Reports from behind the scenes suggest that this may well be the case. A series of special profiles of Newsweek reporters and editors would be followed by a look at this growing trend in magazines and newspapers throughout the United States.