Tonight on Countdown, a segment was devoted to Sarah Palin's interview after the obligatory turkey-pardon. After she pardoned the turkey, she gave an interview to a reporter, replete with you-betcha run-on, rein'in spending. What she probably didn't know--she couldn't be that inattentive right?--was that she there was a gruesome scene of turkeys being slaughtered, the slaughterer with a huge grin on his face for no clearly distinguishable reason.
Now, I could go into a whole spiel on the humane treatment of animals, animal rights, and the ideas of vegetarianism. But for now, let' just take this moment for a little reflection.
Follow me down the rabbit hole.
It's 3AM, and the phone is ringing in the McCain White House. Whose going to answer that phone? Not President McCain, certainly; he needs his rejuvenation, and it's an ungodly hour. Let's see. Who does that leave? If it's an economic crisis, it could be Treasury Secretary Phil Gramm, I suppose, but we know how much Phil loves his mental recessions at night--he calls it sleeping, others call it something all in his head.
Or is it a foreign policy disaster? Say, are the tensions between the Georgians and Russians heating up? Then come on down Defense Secretary Randy Scheunemann, who will of course be even-handed in all matters and will give the best advice to President McGrumpy upon realizing that his mental recessions are only dreams. But what if Scheunemann is out partying with his friend, Mikheil Saakashvili? Well, then, that phone's going to keep on ringing, don'tcha know it?
I can't help but getting the fellin', doggone it, that I'm missin' a very important person in McCain's administration. I don't know who that would be, don't ya know. Is it your good friend and mine, J the P? No, no, that's silly; Joe's fixing the White House tubes, to Senator Steven's delight as he begins his eighth term.
Wait...it's coming to me...say it with me...America's BFF, your Vice President and mine...
Sarah Palin!
And you want to know what happens next, I'm sure. Vice President Palin picks up the phone, and it's French President Sarkozy reporting that a horrible credit crisis has hit France, and he needs U.S. help. To which Palin replies:
Oh, you jokesters aren't goin' to get me again! Thanks, but no thanks for that bridge to nowhere. Now go to bed, Nicky.