I was given a good Catholic upbringing. The majority of the people I associated with and respected were male, and so I absorbed much of their attitudes, likes, and dislikes. I heard over and over again the kvetch that women would just never give it up and let themselves go to seed and be nagging bitches as soon as you say "I do". How women had sand in the vag, meat curtains, and various other derogatory descriptors. I swore that I'd never be that girl - I never wanted anything like that said about me.
But I also swore to remain abstinent until marriage - it was frustrating to my boyfriend, but he respected my choice. Until he went to college. Then he decided to dump me so he could have sex - something Prager endorsed. It tore me apart, so I gave it up - also something he endorsed. It was a terrible first time, five minutes in and out, and three days later he'd already had number two. Being in the Prager mindset myself, I assumed this was because I was not being satisfying enough. So I tried again. And again. To no avail, just to the detriment of any self-esteem I'd ever had.
But that wasn't the worst of it.
That spring break, he came to visit me at my university. He went out drinking with a friend he had there and then came back to my dorm room to spend the night - and insist, drunkenly, that we have sex. Not something I in any way was a) in the mood for or b) wanted to do, but again, I thought that by consenting to sex I could stabilize the relationship and prevent any of that sex-deprivation injury Prager talks about.
I didn't let him see me crying; he thought I was sexier when I was sobbing and I didn't want to encourage him.
I ended up pushing him off me and finishing up the night orally just to give myself a break - and he rolled over and passed out immediately afterwards. The next day he left and I spent the afternoon sobbing into a friend's shoulder, though I wouldn't tell him why. It took me two years to get over that experience, and did it help our relationship? No - he hooked up with another girl back at his college later that week.
I've been told by some friends I've admitted this to that because I consented, it wasn't rape. You may have your own opinions on that, as I'm sure you'll let me know. But it was exactly what Prager endorsed in his column, and exactly what many commenters have been endorsing in the threads for the two recommended diaries today. I know it's exactly what he endorses, because what he's endorsing was my self-destructive ideology at the time.
:: ::
My Take-Home Message: If you're not feeling it, do not consent. Period.