HRC '08, faced with distressing internal polling and the very public defection of superdelegates and supporters, once again changed the dynamic of campaign with a surprise Friday afternoon announcement reminiscent of all the Friday afternoon press releases of the Clinton Administration.
"Barack Obama has declared himself the candidate of change? Fine, then if he truly is the candidate of change, we challenge him to win both Texas and Ohio by triple digit margins," said Mark Penn, senior campaign strategist or scapegoat//whipping boy, depending on how the next few days turn out.
"We challenge him to prove that he can build an infinite motion machine, crush coal in his hands to create diamonds and to prove to the American people that he can fly using the powers of his mind," stated Penn. "If he's so frakking popular and charismatic then he should be able to do these things while still kicking our electoral ass," he added.
HRC 08 strategists also pointed out that Obama lacks appeal to voters between the ages of 13-17, women of Lapp ancestry, ages 54-56, and Dave Borkowski, age 56, Toledo, OH, as further proof that Obama is not ready to take on the presidency of the United States.
"Until Obama can show that he has the will of all the American people behind him, and not just the vast majority of people who've already voted for him, I don't see how he can claim a mandate," stated a senior strategist with the Clinton campaign who also added "and I'm not Mark Penn."
HRC '08 officials also stated that they plan to roll out a new advertisement this weekend called "Holy Shit, Don't Vote for Obama or The World Ends in an Apocolypse of Horror, Slime and Tentacles."
In related news, HRC 08 has threatened class action suits against the American people for voting for someone besides their candidate, and against 1st graders who apparently ARE NOT aware that Hillary will be ready on day 1.