This is not the diary you should get all the facts from folks. Enjoy!!"
A totally serious liveblog of the DNC rules committee meeting.
I am liveblogging the meeting for posterity's sake. I am easily bored. I am thereby doing everyone a favor by giving them the gist of what's happening without having to suffer through "tear jerker ninety year old woman with no legs and one eye being denied her right to support Hillary" stories.
So, for your convenience.
Update 1 - People are wandering around, giving the stink eye to those they suspect aren't on their side. The Hillary supporters are pissed that the coffee someone brought for the protest is too bitter and the Obama supporters are pissed that there appears to be no cookies to step on.
Update 2 - Blah, Blah, politicos puff up their chests and stomp around the room. Dean presents himself as the Alpha male.
Update 3- Dean pounds his chest, "Unity! Grunt!"
Update 4 - Ausman is talking. A lot. He has an oddly perfect hairline. I cannot look away from it. Wait? What is he saying? Something about rules? No...he won't go there. He has charts though, and they are shiny and pretty. I give him points for presentation and using sleek markers.
Update 5 - Senator Joyner is talking about silencing the vote. Man, I'd be willing to give her all the delegates if she'd just shut the hell up. Clinton clearly knew what she was doing when she asked her to talk everyone into submission.
Update- 6 - Nearly missed Brazile getting applause and hisses from the bitters and oppressors. No one threw a Brillo pad at her. This is progress folks!
Update 7- Does anyone else think that the term Floridians sounds a little fruity? Like a maker of citrus flavored gum or something?
Update 8 - Wexler is a clever, clever man bringing up the rules. He is asked if he'd oppose full delegates. He doesn't answer and the crowd riles up again. He is right, of course. He puts it back in their court. Good man, Wexler. Total cool points for you.
Update 9 - Some lady with a fly haircut is talking. Love the color. Damn, she's issuing the smackdown. There is talk of non-compliance. I am distracted by the perfect graying of Wexler's hair.
Update 10 - Ickes is talking. He is going to tell a story. Back to 2000, what a shock. Who the hell dressed him? Did someone tell him that he wasn't going bowling today? Ha, Ha, he just got smacked down by a board member. Ouch. See, now maybe if he'd worn something that wasn't giving everyone in the room an epileptic seizure people would listen to him.
Update 11- Ickes is asked to define something. He doesn't. He is now wishing he had worn what Hills had picked out for him. He is sorry.
Update 12- The room claps because Wexler is talking. Alice is also rocking a fly haircut. Supporters are clapping for her. She said unity. Wexler gives her the equivalent of "Too little too late, Beeyotch." He's getting mad now. He's such a badass.
Update 13 - Alice is getting hate mail, y'all. I love how the Hillary campaign was so gracious in making sure that every black woman that supported her is in the room today. Diversity!
Update 14 - Wexler is pulling the "No one has done more than me, Bitches! I took a beating for Florida! I am the Slyvester Stallone of Palm Beach!"
Update 15 - The bell has been rung. Mr. Katz has been disenfranchised. It's like slavery, except, you know, without all the death and lynching and human servitude.
Update - 16 - They are going to take a break. Someone reports it's getting chilly in the room. Maybe they can get some of those "Count All The Vote" T-shirts that were leftover from the massive rally of twenty five people (and 150 staffers)
Update - 17 - They are going to hear Michigan before lunch. CNN muffles out the complaints. She says Order because something is going down. Oh, it's a group hug break. Niiiice.
Update 18 - We're getting a history of Michigan primary, blah, blah, blah. Speaker has nice glasses. I'm questioning the hair, though. She could use some style advice. She should avoid taking advice from Ickes, however.
Update 19 - Gravel? Who the Hell is...Oh yeah....that guy...
Update 20 - Mark Brewer is giving his "Shout Outs". What's with politico hair? Do they all belong to hair club for men?
Update 21- BREWER: "OOGA BOOGA BOOGA! McCain is taking our democrats out of bed in the night in Michigan.! Only delegates can save us!
Update 22- Brewer complains that Mr. UnCommitted, a short guy with glasses and six wives, WAS on the ballot. Heck, they even handed out fliers. Whatev's. No one has ever seen Uncommitted's face and there is speculation that he's a MUSLIM TERRORIST.
Update 23 - Brewer is done. Fly girl is questioning how he calculated delegate allocation. He says that exit polls are "OMGTOTALLYRIGHT" and fly girl says, "No, last Election! Duh!" Brewer comes back with a response and some applause.
Update 24 - Kmart (??) lady (HAHA) is saying, basically "You no speaka English???" She's taking him back to the old school Mondale primary." Kmart is determined not to set a bad precedent. She can't roll back prices, what does she look like, Wal- Mart?
Update 25 - Brewer is saying Uncommitted's voters should be given to Obama. He's seriously disenfranchising Uncommitted's loyal voters. There will be rioting in the streets.
Update 26 - Someone is saying something about Alice in Wonderland. Clinton and Obama voters are now united in searching around the room for the marijuana brownies.
Update 27 - Questioner now isn't thinking about Alice. He's clearly all about Dorothy.
Update 28 - How do people know when to applause? Are there cue cards for the Hillary and Obama folks? Does Ickes have a hand signal?
Update 29 - I need more coffee. Or maybe something stronger like whatever drug Brewer is on.
Update 30 - Brewer: Rulez don't apply! All UR DELEGATES R BELONG TO HILLARY!
Update 31- Ickes is on again. He is auditioning for the next Speed Racer movie. God, I hate that shirt.
Update 32 - A questioner is asking Brewer about what other state wide efforts were on the ballot. Nothing, of course, except the one where residents were pissed about that dude wanting to build that strip mall a block away from their neighborhood. I'm sure the Obama voters were riled about that. Back to exit polls. Does anyone take those seriously? I lied to one, once. I told them I had written in Kiefer Sutherland.
Update 33 - Levin is getting kudos now. The questioner better watch her step with the compliments or else Dean will be forced to assert his dominance by howling.
Update 34 - Levin is talking about Unity and he is also giving kudos to his friend Ghettofinger. I know that's not his name but I choose to believe it is and I do not accept your reality. Go Clinton!
Update 35 - He is talking about reason and going forward and unity. Flawed primary, yada, yada yada. Detroit's mayor was too busy text-porning his staffer to help us out.
Update 36 - Levin: Did you know Michigan cheated in 2004? McCauliffe was all "OMGNOES!" They had hearings and debate. People were PISSED. There were teeth on the floor! Respect the blood! New Hampshire and Iowa were bullies. They suck, yo. Michigan accepted a compromise because they were pussies. New Hampshire is EVOL.
Did anyone else know states were so bitchy? Man, New Hampshire and Iowa are like, the popular girls. Michigan is totally a member of the chess club. And Florida? No one will even sit with Florida at lunch anymore.
Update 37 - The Black guy just pulled Brewers card. He knows everybody and is well connected. Black people like unity, too! Someone's cell just went off. I bet it was Jerome. Jerome, Hillz is on the phone. She wants you to pass Ickes a note telling him to change his shirt.
Update 38 - This lady means business. She reminds me of my fifth grade English teacher. One thing is clear, democrats need more mathematicians. Everyone sucks at math, apparently. I don't even think Brewer believes himself at this point. I keep waiting for him to say, "Fuck it. Let's go get some lunch."
Update 39 - Unity, Unity, Unity. Affirmative Action. Fair reflection. People in the audience are grateful he isn't going to go into the history. Lunch is getting cold. there will be a Fair Reflection/Unity deathmatch later. Icke's values are being assaulted with a baseball bat, apparently. If we give Obama any delegates, he will feel raped of his freedom.
Update 40 - Ickes got smacked down for time. And also smacked down for calling for a fair reflection of a flawed primary. PWNED! DAAAAAAMMMMNNNN. Levin looks like Ben Franklin.
Update 41 - Bonior's tie matches Icke's shirt. Dave wears it better. He is giving ANOTHER freaking explanation. Seriously, are we a little slow? Yes. Yes we are.
Update 42 - Bonior is throwing out numbers. He knows we are bad at math, silly Bonior. Clinton voters have their fingers in their ears now. Compliance = OMGDISENFRAANCHISE!
Update 43 - Everyone agrees the primary isn't normal. They think it was special and different, like a unique snowflake. Bonior is saying the committee needs to stick to it's own rules, Dammit. Clinton people are booing. Obama people are louder. I wish everyone would hug again.
Update 44- I like Bonior. He clearly doesn't belong to the hair club.
Update 45 - Woman is speaking. She is bitter. She's a believer! It's Obama's fault! He withheld his name! He was CLEARLY in favor of not winning. Bad, Obama! How dare you think the rules committee would do what it said it would! She is deeply troubled. She is enslaved, like Ickes, by the unfairness of it all. Oh the humanity.
Update 46 - Why is everyone troubled? Are they losing sleep? During the conference call for Clintonites, was this a code word for something else? Does anyone know that the outcome of this won't have a huge impact on the nomination?
Update 47- Bonior says, "Whateva. You can't know what people are thinking? Do you have your own psychic network?"
Woman: BUT I AM TROUBLED.
Update 48 - Lots of negotiating here. Like buying a chicken in Mexico. Obama gets the neck, Hillary wants the breast. The lady talking now must have the whole damn chicken or else the children will suffer. Won't someone think of the children?
Update 49 - The Ambassador to Canada has a ninety eight year old mother. He describes Levin's passion with a whispy voice. Someone right now is writing a 300,000 word fic starring them in an epic romance.
Update 50 - Dennis Kucinich totally broke all the rules. He's such a rebel. The governor totally respects Levin. Totally. But he doesn't agree because Obama took his name off the ballot and therefore Mr. Uncommitted kicked his ass. He's also willing to give Uncommitted's votes to Obama. He just wants Michigan to be honored, respected, and kissed after the Prom.
Update 51 - Hillz is calling Jerome from Mydd again. This time she's pissed. The former Gov hasn't used the word 'troubled' in at least two sentences. It's off message. He used disenfranchised, though, so she won't have him rubbed out.
Update 52 - They are taking questions now. Clinton campaign hates Michigan Dem Proposal. Michigan will get no respect this way. It's like letting the DNC get to third base without buying it so much as a Happy Meal. He is respecting Levin again. I bet the former Gov is classy enough to buy Levin dinner first. He totally called out Iowa and New Hampshire, though. They are whores, but he loves them anyway. Sluts.
Update 53 - People are clapping for anything now. They are hungry. Lunch time has come and gone. South Dakota woman is talking. Clearly she doesn't respect Michigan. She's just jealous, that's why she's bragging about her states Bells and Whistles.
Update 54 - The governor gave a weak ass smack down regarding super delegates, saying they might switch. He is pandering to the crowd of Hillz supporters. He clearly has moved on from crushing on Levin and is now eyeing a particularly fetching Clintonite in the front row.
Update 55 - Gov gets a smackdown. "We had rules. Can't punish people who followed them. Your argument regarding Florida disenfranchisement SUXOR!!
Update 56 - Governor says this is sacred, like the Virgin Mary and The Constitution. DNC rules can do what they want but they will be mugging the Virgin Mary and taking her sacred purse if Hillz doesn't get all the delegates.
Update 57 - Donna Brazille is talking. She's PISSED. "Using disenfranchised is lame. Governor, you're a dumb ass. You're such a shill for Hillary but I have to be polite to you because they told me they wouldn't pay for my lunch if I lost it and threw my pen at you." She's mad that she even has to be there. She could be doing other things, like gardening. She's invoking "Your Mama." Her mama taught her to play by the rules. Obama people are going nuts. They love her mother. Her mother will be VP.
Update 58 - Donna says that the Governor is fine. He might get some play after all. Good for him.
Update 59 - Ickes is now that kid who smells funny in class but no one has the courage to tell him what deodorant is. People are hungry and he wants to keep talking. They tell him to sit his ass down so they can go on and eat. Conyers is getting some props now. Maybe he brought food with him?
LUNCH BREAK - This is good because people have to pee and then eat. Including me. :P
Am eating lunch now and discovered I'm on the rec list. Way to lower the bar, folks. :D
Update 60 - Talking heads on various channels are over analyzing this. Donna Brazile has become a pop star. It's like the American Idol of Democrats. Ickes ballad was a total flop. I wonder if he'll come back with something more upbeat after the break? I even turned to Fox for a while. Man, they're loving this circus. There are more pricks on that channel than a second hand dartboard.
Update 61 - Everyone is coming in to take their seats. Is Alexis Herman moonlighting as an actress? I swear she looks like Will Smith's mom on Fresh Prince. You know, the one they replaced the first one with who demanded too much money. She's talking about pre-windows and additional geographic diversity. It sounds like she's redecorating a house.
Update 62 - Alexis is telling it like it is. "Look, we told you all that you couldn't go voting early. Your mama should have taught you about following rules. I'm telling you right now that you can talk all you want, but we made the decision to penalize you 100% because you all were arrogant. eyeroll Therefore, you will get spanked and now we're only deciding if you're going to get the hand or go outside and pick your own twig. Got that?"
Update 63 - Woman caller wants Obama to be stripped search. Can't they get him driving while black? Do we know he isn't working with that terrorist, Mr. Uncommitted?? The Obama caller is like, 16 years old and is hitting puberty. He tried though, bless his heart. These callers are seriously destroying my faith in humanity. HAHAHA Jessee Jackson is SO pretending to be someone else. Jesse is totally calling in to CSpan now. "RULES!"
Update 64 - The one guy on the line for "other" callers is fantastic. He didn't even know he was on the air. All he can say is unity and "Gladys!! I'm on C-Span!"
Update 65 - A Clinton supporter is pissed that her vote didn't count and she explains it was because of rules and regulation but she wants to move on. Damn, make sure the Hill people can't trace her number. This woman is JUDAS.
Update 66 - Girlfriend is on the line for Obama with her friend in the back going, "Yeah, girl". Okay, my faith in humanity is coming back.
Update 67 - Wolf Blitzer on CNN is PISSED. He's tired of playing with his cool ass touch screen delegate counter. C-Span is showing the shuttle launch that no one seems to care about because not only do those selfish members want lunch but they want time to talk amongst themselves. Maybe they're discussing ways in which to get Ickes to go on the next shuttle launch.
Update 68- I cannot see through doors and I do not have a spy cam inside the room like the candidates probably do, but I'm guessing that now is the point in which Donna Brazile throws things around the room and some of the Hillary rules committee supporters weep for the children and regret their votes. Like therapy, in a way. Except a lot of the crazy people are outside with the signs and fliers discussing Barack secretly murdering his opponents so it doesn't exactly seem fair. I have to mute the talking heads for a second and grab more coffee. Long winded discussions of shuttle foam will be the death of us all.
Update 69 - OOOOOOHH Obama resigned from his church. The wing nuts are going to love this. They'll claim it's so he can secretly return to his true religion in which the main ritual is eating their babies. Silly wing nuts. Everyone knows wingnut babies taste like crap. We liberals prefer to eat our own. CNN says Roland got his news from a blog. Lets start a rumor on this one in hopes they'll pick it up.
Update 70 - Dean apparently jumped on the table, strutted around, and told them he wants it done tonight. Or maybe just Florida. Or whatever. On C-Span some poor guy just walked in front of the camera picking his nose. Classic. I'll have to remember to go back and screen cap that later just in case it was a Kossack.
Update 71 - Officially back in session. The English teacher woman looks at everyone disapprovingly. Herman is limiting debate for ten minutes per motion. Translation: "Ickes, we are tired of your dumb ass wasting our time and we're pissed that we're missing happy hour for this bullshit." Herman's suit jacket looks like she unbuttoned it a little. One of Hill's three black female supporters asks to seat all delegates. The crowd cheered, but she's pissed about it. Shut up crowd. Serious business is going on here. Math is hard, people. Alice is good at using the talking points. She wants to be on the Clinton Christmas card list, bad. Alice is afraid she'll be dead before her vote counts again. Dead, like that poor fuzzy red creature she slaughtered and pinned to her jacket.
Update 72 - The man talking now doesn't care if Alice is dead in 2012 he doesn't want to bend the rules. Poor, Alice. Tina won't go Alice's way, either. Rules, Alice! Without rules there is chaos. Tina says, "Nah, baby. Ain't gonna happen." HAHA Tina thought Alice was from Florida. It's probably because she's wearing a lot of eye makeup. Pastel and drawn on eyebrows is so 1923, people.
Update 73 - I'm going to start having a shot of vodka every time one of the politicos invokes the name of MLK Jr. Two shots for JFK.
Update 74 - Ickes is taking his toys and going off to play with people who listen to him. Hmpf. Everyone is talking about their mother and rules. Nona's mom wasn't a hard ass like the rest of the committee. She was a hippie and totally let Nona stay up until midnight even on school days. They don't even need a vote. They've shot Alice's motion down. I'm typing this before they even say it because I'm an Obama supporter and I have the ability to see the writing on the wall. The Clintonites won't shut up. They clearly aren't respecting Alice's serious business. Now there is chanting. ANGRY CHANTING. CAPS LOCK WORTHY CHANTING and the Clintonites are calling for Denver. Someone should tell them John Denver is deceased and will not be appearing after Alice.
Update 75 - Alice is saying that Florida needs relief. Possibly air drops of Rolaids. People are shouting "Count All Votes!" They are turning on her now. Run, Alice, Run! Quick, hide behind one of the Obama supporters before they throw you under the bus!
Update 76 - Ickes is mulling over half vote, even though he wanted full. People are tired of Ickes so they are clapping. He is brooding. Jerome hurt his feelings about the shirt.
Upstate 77 - Maime (with nice hair and makeup, thank goodness) puts the reasonable compromise up for vote. Fowler says he wants it. Ickes gives up a moment of silence to express how he feels raped by the system, lest we all forget. He sounds like he's been playing my drinking game. Good for him.
Upstate 78 - Ickes is angry, spurned by the system. Enslaved. He needs to drink more, I think. He used, "Hell!" just so we all know how serious he is. Harold Ickes is fighting for Mr. Uncommitted's rights. Mr. Uncommitted needs his votes. He is making fun of group hugs. Can we vote him out of the party? He's seriously mucking up the scenery. He's just told everyone that Hillary thumbs their nose at their silly compromise and wants to take it to the credentials committee. Hynes made a funny about Ickes. Oh Harold, you're just posturing. HAHA He smacked down the Hillary supporters. The smackdown was figurative and not literally. The latter would be assault. Completely understandable, but nonetheless assault.
Update 79 - Speaking of assault, after this primary Bill Clinton might want to reconsider moving his offices out of Harlem. Just sayin...
Update 80 - Uh oh, Brother man is pissed at Ickes. He's pulling Harolds card by invoking the name Ella Baker and Fanny whoever. It's deep. He said Harold had selective amnesia. This is better than a soap opera.
Update 81 - Ickes is threatening court so people's feathers are ruffled. They don't want to have to look at him that long again. Elizabeth Smith is not wanting to support the compromise. Her baby blue suit hurts my eyes. They just switched to an angry chick wearing a t-shirt. Her bangs were hairsprayed just as high up as Elizabeth's so I'm thinking there is a conspiracy. Maime is talking again. She looks SO OVER all of this. Poor Maime.
Update 82 - People are shouting again. See, this is what happens when you give people too long a time for lunch. They get sugar highs and come back rowdy. They approved the half thingy compromise, but people are mad. They actually expected they might win, which is more sad than funny so I'll have a gratuitous shot of vodka in honor of their being hit over the head with reality.
Update 83 - They need to handle their business. People are booing and hissing. Judge Joe Brown wouldn't put up with that shit. People are laughing because the next meeting will be by telephone. The audience is insulted. They don't understand why people aren't appreciating all of the audience etiquette training they got by going on Springer.
Update 84 - They ended the meeting. Herman said, "Ickes, you ain't got to go home but you can't stay here!" and Clinton people are pissed. Team Clinton got their chaos but not the full votes reinstated. So, nanny nanny boo boo. C-Span cameras must be stable because we just got a ten second look at some dudes ass and it wasn't even enjoyable.
But I hope this diary was. Goofy, I know, but I'm not a serious political analyst like Kos. Sometimes, all we can do is point and laugh.
Have a nice weekend, everyone, and thanks for my first time on the rec list.