The Democratic National Committee announced today that it was replacing its Keynote Speaker slot from Gov. Mark Warner (VA) to Congressman Dennis Kucinich (OH).
DNC spokesperson Mary Thorne spoke at a hastily arranged press conference Wednesday evening. "Senator Obama, whom you all know is our almighty boss and we have to do whatever he says, gave the order this afternoon. "We are simply following Senator McCain's precedent of giving the Keynote Address to the fifth place challenger in the primaries. Rudy Giuliani finished behind McCain, Huckabee, Romney, and Paul. Likewise, Kucinich finished behind Obama, Clinton, Edwards, and Richardson.
Some might argue that Senator Biden should be designated as the fifth place winner given the results of Iowa, Kucinich gets the nod because of his third-place finish in Michigan, where he finished behind Clinton and Uncommitted.
Kucinich, upon hearing the announcement, declared, "I might not be the household name Rudy is, but I have had much more success electorally. What's more, my third wife is incontrovertibly more attractive than his."
Political pundits are quick to point out the importance of the Keynote Address. Frank Gresham of the Victorian Political Sciences Institute said, "Who can forget Mario Cuomo's stirring keynote at the 1984 convention? It virtually clinched Mondale's victory in Minnesota."