I turn 41 in less than a month. Some might say it's high time I go hunting for a 25-year-old babe-alicious heiress, existing marriage be damned. But screw it, who's got time to go be-bopping across the country just to chat up a ding-a-ling with a masters in pouting who, in all likelihood, is an astonishingly lousy lay?
But let's just say I have no character, no morals, no soul, and I somehow I hit the bimbo jackpot. Five years from now, I am not going to know how many houses I have. "We're going to the Bahamas tomorrow. Suh-weet! We have a house there? No? It's your cousin's? It's Jack Abramoff's? Whatever. I ain't bringing no sheets and towels, haven't had to do that shit in years, so what do I care?
There's so much to bash McCain on, but his ignorance of his assets is not one of them. But Obama and crew are firing up the phone tree, and the surrogate posse is out in full force. Frankly, I find it a little embarrassing. I would be more upset by it if I didn't see it as a good drill for October, when McCain makes a real gaffe.
It can't be easy to fire up one's umbrage machine at a moment's notice and make it seem real in front of the cameras. But that's the least of it. There are lots of logistics involved in such a coordinated attack.
Take for example, the talking points. The Obama campaign has to send them out in an email. Who's on the list? Are all the emails current? If the surrogate is technologically lame, is his or her trusty assistant on the list?
Who goes on camera and where? Who makes the arrangements? If the surrogate isn't very good with talking points, someone better get him or her on the phone and drill the points into his or her head until they get it down cold.
So it's good to get the surrogates out there. If the umbrage is fake, so be it. If it's real, even better, although I hope those people are taking their blood pressure medicine, because they're going to pop a forehead vessel or two before it's all over.