Deregulate the financial sector. I got that.
Cheap money leads to housing bubble. I got that.
Wall Street doesn't run free... it runs wild. I got that.
Bad paper masquerading as legitimate securities. I got that.
Oversight means "overlooked". I got that.
Someone stopped buying the Ponzi scheme. I got that.
Flimflam comes to a screeching halt. I got that.
Organized crime shows up demanding protection money. I got that.
I think that pretty much brings us up to date. Here's where I lost it...
The Federal Reserve said Sunday it had granted a request by the country's last two major investment banks — Goldman Sachs and Morgan Stanley — to change their status to bank holding companies.
I don't mean to yell but.... ARE YOU ##@!!^%^:?! KIDDING ME?
These guys are on the hook for more money than exists in the world... and the Fed let them skate by changing their North American Industry Classification System (NAICS) code? I don't mean to yell, but .... ARE YOU #$#@!*?$!! KIDDING?!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!
Man... these guys got balls so big you can see them from the International Space Station! All they did to get out from under this mess was declare that instead of being a 523110, they are now a 551111? That's all it took?
That's like burning down a house ... with people inside it... then walking across the street to the cops and saying, "Don't think of me as a murderer. I'm just a poor, misguided, pyromaniac. So you see, officer, I'm not really a criminal... I'm just sick. Here, will you give this child a decent burial while I go get some therapy? Careful now, she's still smoldering."
That's nerve. That's chutzpah. That makes killing your parents and throwing yourself at the mercy of the court because you are an orphan look like amateur hour. But you know what? That's not the part that surprises me. What stuns me is the people who approved this are the same people who have the nerve to show up and point a gun at our heads and demand we fork over more money to them than we already fork over every year to the Pentagon!
Wow. I thought I knew what organized crime looked like. The Gambinos got nothing on these guys. Nothing.
The request for the change to bank holding companies was granted by a unanimous vote of the Fed's board of governors during a late Sunday meeting in Washington.
The change of status means both companies will come under the direct regulation of the Federal Reserve.
I bet it was unanimous. The investment guys know their days are numbered so they panic and throw themselves at the mercy of the thugs hoping to keep a piece of the action. What's not to like? To put this in perspective... imagine if Big Tobacco ran over to the FDA and said, "Tell you what... reclassify cigarettes as a drug delivery vehicle so you can regulate us. Whaddaya say?"
Ok... now why on Earth would these guys do that? Seriously.
The decision means that the Goldman and Morgan Stanley will be able not only to set up commercial bank subsidiaries to take deposits, giving them a major resource base, but they will also have the same access as other commercial banks to the Fed's emergency loan program.
Oh baby... mo' money mo' money mo'money....
This is like a junkie saying, "Alright, I'm going to clean up my act. I'm going to get a job in a pharmacy."
The only silver lining here is that I finally know what it feels like when monkeys fly out of my ass... I gotta tell ya... it doesn't feel anywhere near as good as it sounds. The worst part is they are completely untrained. I wish they were trained. Then I would be able to send my flying monkeys to grab up these bastards and dump them in a lake of fire somewhere.
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UPDATE: Thanks for the rec's....And now a REAL comedian weighs in: