So far Sarah Palin has been unleashed by her handlers in very specific, controlled situations: her RNC speech; her interview with Gibson, her interview/date with Hannity, her interview/smackdown with Couric, and her speed-dating at the UN. Every time she opens her mouth, she manages to only one-up herself on just how little she knows about anything that requires a cursory read of Newsweek. Her continued stonewalling on Troopergate has only emboldened a press that (surprise!) once again has discovered the ability to "research" and "find facts." While Barack and Michelle show up on the cover of mainstream women's mags, Sarah gets front page on the National Enquirer. And every comedian in the country has been able to dust off their best Fargo-esque twang in quoting her folksy bon mots (pardon my French).
So what do you do now, Sarah? You have seen the first debate (or maybe not, since you were at a bar), and you know that Joe Biden has not only read a Newsweek or two, he has actually visited those countries you needed a passport and a backpack for. Oh, and he can debate without color-coded index cards. You, Sarah, will be reduced to trying to remember how you delivered your "I want peace on earth and goodwill to men" answer at the 1984 Miss Alaska pageant. Face it, you're screwed, and it's going to happen in front of billions of people (BBC and Al Jazeera will carry this, particularly the latter since you seem to be the very definition of "hot" in the Middle East). What do you do, Sarah? What do you do?
You get those speechwriters to work right away on your farewell to the troops, that's what you do. This could rival your triumphant RNC acceptance speech not only in ratings, but in historical significance. You were merely the second woman to accept a nomination to be a party's vice-President; now you could be the first woman to turn it down!
But how do you turn it down? You are a Republican, and normally you would need a family-friendly reason. Just saying you want to "spend more time with my family" is too pat, though, and doesn't do justice to this historic occasion. You need something bigger, grander, more, well, Alaskan! You are from the biggest state--give us the biggest excuse. I'll start it, and let my fellow Kossacks take it from here:
- I am battling depression and desperately need to return to my state-funded tanning bed.
- I must field-dress a moose to serve at Bristol's shower. Hey, it takes longer than you think!
- I broke a nail.
- It is unfair for me to continue to make John McCain look older than he is.
Now add your own. Help Sarah, so she can put "Country First."