I stopped making New Year's resolutions a long time ago when I learned that I spent more time and money resolving to do things than I did actually following through with my resolutions...
I have owned and sold more exercise equipment, dieting materials, and literature about being "free" from this-or-that than could ever be found at any thrift store. I have filled countless notebooks and journals with promises to myself that were doomed from the moments the ink hit the paper. After many years of wasting my time making resolutions I knew I wouldn't keep, I began to suppress the yearly desire to create binding agreements for myself detailing what I would and would not do within the 12 months that would follow.
Since I no longer make traditional resolutions, I would like to submit my list of thing's that I know I won't do next year. Yep- it's kinda my list of New Year's Non-Resolutions. Here goes.
I am not going to lose one stinkin' pound this year. Yes, you read it right. I'm not going on a diet tomorrow. In fact, I am going to eat the traditional New Year's Day Dinner with my family and the cake we make for dessert without guilt. I have missed this dinner a million times for diets that have only lasted two or three weeks. Tomorrow, I'm gonna eat cake, and no one's gonna stop me. And I'm gonna like that cake cause it'll have chocolate icing on it.
I am not going to break my neck trying to find Mr. Right this year. Nope! No online dating for me this January. I am not going to pay to be match-dot-com'd with Mr. Right-Now, Mr. Right-Away, Mr. Right-Up-Someone-Else's-Alley or Mr. Allll-righty-Then. Not this year, buddy. Not gonna do it.
I am not going to quit smoking or drinking this year. In fact, I'm going to have a nice, long smoke and a relaxing swig of a smooth cognac after my slice of cake. It's gonna be great.
I'm not gonna get organized this year. No, I'm not going to file the papers in my home office. I'm not cleaning out my garage in the middle of the freaking cold. I'm not buying a bookshelf that will display lint and dust when it should be displaying the books in the attic- (and by the way, I ain't cleaning out the attic.) I'm not going to promise myself that I'll get organized--- again. Besides, my current "no-filing" filing system is working just fine.
And last- but not least...
I'm not gonna cut up my credit cards this year. Nope. In fact, I'm gonna put the dinner, cake, cognac, and cigarettes on my Mastercard. That is, of course, if I can find it in my home office.
So, there you have it. That's my list of resolutions- um, I mean--- non-resolutions. Yes, friends. Those are all of the things I'm going to do -- er, um-- I mean-- not do this year.
That's right. I don't make resolutions. And this diary proves it.