Did you hear about my new President?
You probably have.
But did you know....
The new President can string words together to form grammatical sentences. Then he can string those sentences together to form stirring speeches. Unlike the old President who thought that "syntax" was the sort of thing that made his bottles of Crown Royal extra expensive.
The new President has a beaming, warm, genuine smile. Unlike the old President who had a petulant, spoiled, frat-boy smirk that oozed contempt for all around him.
The new President can dance! Unlike the old President whose movements were jerky and halting. But in fairness, all marionettes have jerky and halting movements, and Dick Cheney is pretty arthritic to be a puppet master.
The new President used to teach Constitutional law at one of our nation's most prestigious universities. Unlike the old President who used to rip up and piss on the Constitution whenever he got bored (except for the 2nd Amendment, mind you.....he wouldn't even allow law enforcement to see if anyone on the terrorist watch list had purchased any guns recently.)
The new President inspires feelings of hope, promise, and joy when people look at him. The old President inspired feelings of hopelessness, nausea, and horror when looking at him.
The new President can laugh at himself. Unlike the old President, who only laughed at women who didn't want to be executed.
The new President believes in Science. The old President believes that the Earth is flat.
The new President believes the Earth revolves around the Sun. The old President believes the universe revolved around him.
The new President breathed new life into his party, winning a majority in both chambers of Congress.
The old President inflicted what may yet turn out to be mortal wounds to his party.