For whatever reason, we can't all get up early enough in the morning to get in on TexDem's Mojo Friday diaries. By the time we show up, there's a thousand comments and our browsers go into apoplectic fits trying to cope.
If this describes your Mojo Friday experience, welcome to the Mojo Friday -- Time Shifters Edition diary!
This is like the other Mojo Friday diary, just time-shifted alternative for people who can't, for whatever reason, get in early on the regular Mojo Friday diary. The rules are mostly the same, with some small tweaks (see below). Basically, be nice and do like Wil Wheaton says: "Don't be a dick."
Flip on over for this week's theme, Lame Duck, Lame Jokes
I don't think anybody on DKos would argue with the notion that George W. Bush was a joke of a president. And in his final three lame-duck months, he became a lame joke as well. Not at all funny. Ok, his particular kind of joke was never funny, but still. His degree of utter uselessness after November 4, 2008, was nothing short of astonishing.
I could make Bush jokes, but aren't we all a little tired of that? I am. So instead, here are some of my favorite ba-dum-ching! lame jokes. But rather than picking on politicians or lawyers (but, I repeat myself), how about making fun of the statisticians:
Did you hear about the statistician who put an ice-pack on his feet and stuck his head in the oven?
He felt fine on average.
An engineering firm is hiring for an analysis position. Three recent graduates are invited for an interview: one has a degree in pure mathematics, another one in applied math, and the third one obtained his B.Sc. in statistics.
All three are asked the same question: "What is one third plus two thirds?"
The pure mathematician: "It's one."
The applied mathematician takes out his pocket calculator, punches in the numbers, and replies: "It's 0.999999999."
The statistician: "What do you want it to be?"
"Isn't statistics wonderful?"
"How so?"
"Well, statistically speaking, there are 42 billion alligator eggs laid every year. Of those, only about half get hatched. Of those that hatch, three fourths of them get eaten by predators in the first 36 days. And of the rest, only 5 percent get to be a year old for one reason or another."
"What's so wonderful about all that?"
"If it weren't for statistics, we'd be up to our asses in alligators!"
Q: Did you hear the latest statistics joke?
A: probably...
Q: Did you hear about the statistician who attended a Dale Carnegie course?
A: He raised his confidence from 95% to 99%!
And, just for balance, here's a dumb chemistry joke:
A sodium atom and a lithium atom were walking down the street. This tough-looking fluorine atom passed them, and bumped into the sodium atom.
The sodium turns to the lithium and says "Hey, I think that guy stole one of my electons!"
The lithium atom says "are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm positive!"
Got jokes of your own? Share 'em in the comments!
Finally, as promised last week, this will be my last week hosting the time-shifter diary. (In fact, this being my own lame-duck week, is what prompted our theme today). Last week, I asked for nominations for who wants to host the next four. The nominees are listed down in the poll. Vote for your pick, and in classic American first-past-the-post fashion which is guaranteed to piss off the majority in a five-way race, most votes wins.
Mojo Friday Time Shifter Guidelines
Wherever you live, east, west, or in between, please pick just one Mojo Diary to play in. Mojo is nice, and all, but let's be reasonable. Besides, double-dipping will be obvious to anyone paying attention the post-game shows in the respective Mojo Diaries.
If you comment you have to recommend all comments. (in order to receive mojo you have to give mojo. It's only good mojo manners.) Except, as noted above, for the Nominations comment thread. See above
Everything you say may be taken as a joke (so if you ask a question, expect a silly answer)
You must recommend the diary (and pimp it unapologetically)
You don't have to comment to recommend.
You can't steal TexDem's idea (I already did, and one larceny is enough, but if you win the election you can steal it next week)
Please, no pictures or YouTubes until after 300 comments. Now, after 300, use a little common courtesy and be responsible in the number.
Mojo mojo mojo mojo, mojo mojo mojo...
Do these few things and you too can become a Trusted User, with all the rights, privileges, and free airline upgrades attendant thereto.
Mojo Friday Goals
A. At least 300 different commenters and 1000 comments by 1:30 PM PST and 1500 by 5:00 PM PST Friday Night that it's posted.
B. 100 recommends for each comment, at least.
C. Stay on Recommend List at least five hours (this requires some strategic planning by you guys, refer to guideline #3)
D. At least 200 diary recommends. 300 would be better, spread the word.
E. And always, fun fun fun.
F. Have at least 75% average participation rate as seen <somewhere> in the Mojo Friday West Coast Edition Postgame Show by <whoever volunteers first>. Hey, I can't do everything for you...
G. Have at least 30 kossacks over 90% participation.
H. Overload the servers with recommends, not to mention dominate Top Comments Mojo list. (we do tend to mess with the site with all of our recommends at one time)(also, to dominate the Top Comments Top Mojo we need at least 50 comments with over 200 recommends, see guideline B)
I. That's enough for now. (Have a suggestion? Post it.)
See also, MKinTN's diary on achieving greater success called How to Succeed at Mojo Friday Without Really Trying, and of course, the Official Mojo Friday Snecktionary.