As you may have heard, the big devil behemoth known as the Microsoft corporation has been planning a new search engine, bing. The preview version came online this weekend.
In honor of the new launch, the Space Needle will, on Tuesday night, be "emitting" a beam of "light starting at 10 p.m. Pacific. The phallic imagery conjured up by the Space Needle fits Bing to a T.
Press Secretary Gibbs may be right that the British press should be avoided if you're looking for something bordering on truthful news. However, the papers that brought us Page 3 Girls are the ideal source to go to for this news:
One of its defining features is the functionality which enables it to auto-play videos in search results, when users hover the mouse above the stills. By typing in words with sexual connotations, once the safety search setting is off, Bing users can access porn films and other similarly explicit material, within the site.
I can't really adequately describe the, um, marvels of this new technology.
The folks at Tech Crunch gave it their best shot, though.
This is just too good. One of the features of Microsoft’s just launched Bing search engine is that it auto-plays videos in results when you hover over them. Naturally, the first thing a number of people, like Loic Le Meur, did was search for "sex" or "porn." The results are majestic — if you’re a teenager looking for a way around porn filters on your computer. And this isn’t artful porn or something like it, it’s straight-up, hardcore pornography.
... the results literally speak for themselves. If you’re so inclined, go ahead and try, it’s one hell of a way to browse porn. Straight porn, gay porn, you name it. It’s all there, ready to auto-play.
Again, this is probably something you have to experience yourself by going to bing.com; if you're more straight-laced, I suggest just typing "porn" into the video search. If, on the other hand, you're a little more out of the mainstream, you could type in "Neal Horsley." And if you're into the really disturbing, nasty stuff, you might want to type in "Cheney."
Let me give you a few minutes ....
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Back already? Really? Okay.
Of course, this new feature isn't seen as Gates' gift to mankind by everyone.
Take the good ol' folks at FoxNews, for instance.
In its bid to beat off Google, Microsoft has unveiled a slate of convenient features for Bing, including an "autoplay" tool that lets users preview videos simply by hovering a mouse over them.
That asset may become a liability, because users can get a taste of porn videos on Bing instead of having to go to a smutty Web site — an innovation other search engines have yet to offer.
Apparently Fox News hasn't seen Avenue Q. If they had, they'd know the internet is for porn.
Another person who doesn't seem to realize that is Donna Rice Hughes.
"It's a no-brainer for any kid," said Donna Rice Hughes, president and chairwoman of Enough Is Enough, a group that works to help parents protect children from online porn.
"From the standpoint of the new state-of-the-art search engine, [the video preview] is a really neat thing of course," Hughes said. "The flipside of that is that you've got an abundance of pornography out there."
...
Hughes, the director of Enough Is Enough, said Microsoft and other search engines "need to make their filtered searches much more prominent and have an option for password protection" that parents could use to prevent kids from switching the controls around.
The older and/or more politically astute Kossacks might recall that Donna Rice Hughes was originally known as Donna Rice. Yes, the Donna Rice sitting on Gary Hart's lap on the Monkey Business yacht in Bimini in the picture to the left.
See, back in the those days, if you wanted to see pictures or video of a hot woman blowing a man's ... 'career', you had to rely on the Washington press corps.
If they weren't doing their job, you always had the option of the dirty movies store. Of course, you ran the risk of bumping into a future Supreme Court justice, and nobody wanted that to happen.
Today, all you need is a search engine.
We can only pray that Microsoft does not decide, as a joke, to create some "Microsoft Bob" pornography and have it show up as the #1 search hit next April Fool's Day as a 'joke.' That would truly be a catastrophe.