I began writing this as a comment to shanikka's GREAT diary What "Leading Indicators" Don't Tell You: The Center Is Not Holding, Damnit!, but it became so long I decided to write a diary about it.
I am confused as to whether I can call myself a "have-not".
I am over forty and I own nothing, other than a $1,000 inheritance that went into a fund and is now at about $700.
My credit score is in the low 600's, and I have one card that is 32.99% (apparently because I was late with a payment).
My YTD gross income is $10,000. Right now I am doing odd jobs to pay my rent, and my mother is using her retirement money to help me when I absolutely need it (i.e. pay for things like insurance, my car, or utilities. anything that can be shut off or taken away)
BUT I am a self-employed California licensed architect. In '07 I grossed almost $90k - the most I ever have in my life. When I was employed, my highest salary was $55k. Those were times that I enjoyed what it felt like to pay bills every month without having a panic attack. But I'd say those were three prosperous years out of a lifetime of hard work and financial struggle.
So am I a Have or a Have Not? I live in a tight neighborhood; I have been alerted by some that I do not have a "right" to bitch about my financial situation. Somehow these folks think that because I get quoted in the paper, have award-winning projects and get appointed to boards and things that I shouldn't have serious financial problems and I'm just whining.
THEY aren't licensed professionals; THEY have barely-above minimum wage jobs. La Gitane is just being a spoiled princess.
All I know is that I am on the verge of tears every day. I can't sleep and I've been binge drinking once or twice a week. Just to forget. I have a therapist, but there isn't much advice to give when your problems are so situational.
I have always had the mentality that "whatever happens, I know I can find work". Well, when one neighborhood restaurant received over 200 applications for a part-time bartenders job in two days, that kinda throws that perspective right out the window. Licensed carpenters, electricians and contractors are applying to be busboys and dishwashers.
So, what am I Kossacks? A Have or a Have Not?