When You Care Enough to Send the Very Best to Iraq and Afghanistan...
...don’t send Michael Bolton.
Hello from sunny Baghdad, the cradle of civilization. The other day I noticed a diary from "Meteor Blades" talking about Netroots for the Troops putting together care packages to Iraq and Afghanistan—good on him for doing it, but I found some flaws in the approach. I shot him a note, but haven’t heard anything back so I thought I’d put up a quick post on care packages.
I work in the International Zone (the formerly the Green Zone) in Baghdad. And while it sucks being away from home (My daughter turned one and took her first steps last month while I was here.), we live a life of relative comfort. We really don’t want for anything, and are light years away from what our brothers in the mountains of Afghanistan are doing.
The other day we got a care package (Note: Not one from Net Roots for the troops. Everybody happy?) from home which consisted mostly of melted hard "grandma" candy, some spam, some plastic combs (have you seen our haircuts?), and...wait for it...a Michael Bolton CD. Yes, that no-talent ass clown made it all the way here. Oh and there were drink mix packets, lots of drink mix packets.
We all greatly appreciated the effort and thought that went into the package, but the end result was more sophomoric than patriotic. The combs went to the bald guys, and the Michael Bolton CD made its rounds around the office until it was finally destroyed, violently. God knows what happened to the spam.
And the drink packets? They went into the big ass pile of drink packets next to the fridge. I have seen various incarnations of the big ass pile of drink mix packets throughout Iraq. Some advisors that I work with out at Taji built a giant pyramid of the ninety or so boxes of various drink mixes that they’ve received in care packages. They took a group photo in front of their creation. It was a big day.
The rule in their office now is that no one can drink plain water because they have to do something with all that drink mix. The only problem is that there is basically an unlimited supply of Gatorade and various drink mixes at the chow hall. You can take as much as you want. You can bathe in crystal light if you want.
My point? While I can’t speak for Afghanistan, I am pretty sure that nobody is Iraq is wanting for Kool-Aide, well except maybe the Fox News fans. Which leads me to my larger point—what makes a good care package?
Mr. "Blades" listed the following items. My comments follow.
• Baby wipes: don’t send wet wipes. Send the camping wipes that you can buy at REI. Send these to Afghanistan, not Iraq.
• Mechanix gloves: Send lack or tan colored ones. But, I personally don’t think this is really all that great. The Army issued me multiple pairs of pretty good combat gloves, and I don’t need any more.
• LED flashlights: Every soldier I know has half a dozen flashlights, and most of us are issued really nice ones these days. Don’t bother.
• Gel shoe insoles: Don’t do this. What size would you send? Plus, nobody I know wears these.
• Goop Cleaning Gel: I have no clue what this is.
• Powdered energy drinks: The dudes at Taji are talking about building a drink mix Stonehenge.
• Gel energy food packets: send the ones with caffeine to Afghanistan. I would have loved that stuff back in my grunt days. Now that I’m a Chairborne Ranger, I drink Diet Coke all day.
• DVDs and CDs: Yes! But don’t send the crap that you can’t unload at the used CD/DVD store. Go to your favorite local independent record store, ask the clerk what’s popular among the 18-25 year old demographic and buy it. You won’t go wrong with the "Dropkick Murphies". And while you’re at it, throw in some "The Hold Steady" CDs because everyone should listen to them.
• Letters to the soldiers: Absolutely. Put pictures in too, especially of kids or, if you happen to be a cute young lady, yourself. (That last one will probably get me flamed in the comments.) You don’t need to dwell on the "how proud we are of you" stuff. We get it. Thanks.
• More suggestions coming soon: Well, please allow me.
I recommend that you put together packages differently for Iraq and Afghanistan. Iraq is a pretty robust theater. We have lots of PXs and Iraqi run stores on the FOBs. The chow halls are huge and well-stocked. People gain weight over here.
Afghanistan is different. It is a much more Spartan existence. So care packages to Iraq should be more comfort items while ones to Afghanistan should be more survival. Candy, drink mixes, beef jerky, energy gel, etc—all that stuff should go to Afghanistan.
But, there are some things that go for both locations. I’ll list some things that I think would make for a great, well-received care package.
• Video games. PSP, DS, Wii, Xbox, Playstation. We all have them, but the PX’s don’t usually stock a lot of selection. And Amazon won’t ship games. You can pick up a bunch of used games cheaply at any video game store. Tell the clerk what you’re doing, and they’ll know how to help.
• Good coffee. Pre-ground is better.
• Gift cards: REI, Amazon, iTunes, etc.
• 3M Command Hooks, always handy for home sweat trailer.
• These things.
• Football paraphernalia. The season is about to start, and we’re all pissed that we’ll be missing it. Every team from every locale will have a fan. But, don’t send Texas A&M stuff. There is already enough f’ing Maroon here.
• Local foods that travel well. The other night we had pork ribs in the chow hall. A guy from Houston brought some BBQ sauce that he’d gotten from home, and it made the meal, especially for us Texans. From New Mexico and got a bad-ass green chili salsa? Send it. You get the point.
• And if you really want to send something nice, try something called Cup of Joe for a Joe. Green Beans is the military version of Starbucks, and this program is a great way to do something nice without the carbon footprint of sending a package.
The best thing to do is send one or two nice items that you put some thought into rather than a box full of crap. But, you don’t even have to send us anything at all. A nice letter from the home with a picture that your kids drew is a huge morale boost in itself. Just leave Michael Bolton out of it.