How can I say this.
Imagine that you're about to sit down to the best meal of your life. You've worked really hard to gather it together, all your friends are going to be there, you've got the best food, the best menu, the best wine. You should be drowning in pleasurable anticipation, right?
That's how most of you probably were yesterday waiting for the oath to be taken, the speech to be given, the parade to be marched, and President Obama to start his new job.
But I couldn't quite get into it.
You see, although I was keenly anticipating the meal, I had another anticipated pleasure competing with it for my attention.
An eight-year-long case of constipation.
That's right--can you imagine the agony? All blocked up in there since 2001, and this was the day I was finally going to get relief.
My head was completely messed up about this. Should I pay more attention to the delights of the wonderful meal, or to the unspeakable pleasures of elimination? It was like each one was interfering with the other.
So I have to say, I'm very happy for those of you with the intestinal fortitude to focus on the inauguration. For me, it wasn't until that helicopter took off and flew away and I almost collapsed, finally, from the joy of debushification, that I could finally focus all of my attention on the wonderful treats I'd been waiting for so long.
And how sweet it is.
Greg Shenaut