I do! I want to get together with all my friends and all go to a tea party. I want to point, laugh, and generally double over with hilarity.
I want to bask in the complete idiocy before me. I want to luxuriate in the ludicrousness, to wallow in the wackiness. I want to giggle so much I end up with afterglow. Can you say "gigglegasm", kids? I knew you could!
But I'm wondering what we should take with us, and I'm working on a list. Here's what I've come up with so far.
The first thing that popped into my mind was signage. I thought, maybe I should carry a big, huge sign that reads one of the following.
"TEABAGGING IS MORE FUN THAN PAYING TAXES!"
"CAN WE TEABAG DUBYA?"
"GLENN BECK IS A COFFEE DRINKER!"
"SARAH PALIN PREFERS LUZIANNE!"
"FISTING: BETTER THAN TEABAGGING!" (next on Rachel Maddow: the Crisco Conservatives!)
"REAGAN LOVED TEABAGGING! NANCY JUST SAID 'NO'"
"GOD HATES BAGS" (Westboro Baptist Church, anyone?)
"I <3 OFFSHORE TAX HAVENS!"</p>
"TRICKLE-DOWN MAKES A GREAT CUP OF TEA"
"FOX TEABAGGED ME!"
"TEABAGGING: IT TAKES BALLS"
"MY JOB SACKED ME. NOW I'M TEABAGGING!"
"TOTAL SCROTAL PROTEST"
"TAX CUTS: ONLY FOR RICH PEOPLE" or "TAX CUTS: ONLY FOR PEOPLE WHO WON'T NOTICE!"
"TAX THE POOR MORE! THEY DESERVE IT!"
On those last two...I'm just trying to hit the right sentiment to fit in. Can y'all help me out? I find making up signs to actually fit the proper tone of fake outrage much, much harder.
Then I considered what other items might be useful for a teabaggin' party. Mostly, I wanted to show up with the right tools.
The very first thing I thought of:
TruckNutz. Tell me you haven't already considered it. If you don't know what they are, they're only the most inappropriately appropriate thing I can think of for teabaggin' parties.
Then I thought, hey, I love tea. It's my main source of caffeine. Should I dress up in a Republican costume and go with a trick or treat bag? I wonder if they'd let me do that. Anyone got a Glenn Beck/Bill O'Reilly/Rush Limbaugh/Ronald Reagan/John McCain mask? I'd dress as Sarah Palin, but I don't want to get fondled. I have a rule: no sex for Republicans.
Not even cute ones. Especially not Faux News Watchers.
Then I considered the idea of bringing other appendages besides TruckNutz (tm) -- would a dildo or a fleshlight be out of the question? Is that too far off topic, or do you think that's where the teabagging will lead? I'm just trying to be prepared, like a good Boy Scout. If I could be a boy scout, which I can't (too gay).
Anyway, this idea is still in its newborn stages; the best ideas still haven't descended into the sac. What other sign ideas do you have? What other tools, toys, and trinkets would you advocate I bring?
And...above all else...should we wear bullet-proof vests?