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When my dad turned 40, my mom threw him a "Middle-Age Spread." I remember cutting out the invitations: construction-paper T-shirts with big bellies. I got the joke on an abstract level, but this year, watching my own 40th birthday approach, I can't quite get my mind around the halfway mark, although my own belly has been ravaged by two pregnancies and two C-sections. That T-shirt isn't quite as funny as it used to be.
Generally speaking, I despise birthdays and am perfectly happy when they go unnoticed, and I can go on about my day without reflecting on the "OMG, another year!!!" aspect of it. I age, whether it's my birthday or not, and the less fuss there is about that fact, the better. This one coming up, though...it feels different. Like there are doors ajar and I need to do a few more things before shutting them.
It's not what you're thinking. There will be no fast cars or wild nights or flights to Paris. Running was never my style. No, over the last year there's been a deep-seated and rising urge to make certain amends, even in cases where the hurt exists only in my memory. I've been emailing about this with my best friend, who recently wrote "Closure and forgiveness are two very powerful things. We never know how we affect somebody, but it is what our mind thinks that need the absolution." Spot. On.
True story: One July morning, I walked outside with a cup of coffee and thought about a man I'd loved and wronged. I apologized to him--aloud, mind you, although only the dog heard me--and sort of released it to the universe. We bumped into each other that Halloween, and had dinner. We didn't talk about the past, just about the now, and I remember thinking that there was no room for anything else in my field of vision except for his face, his eyes, his smile. Three dates and four months later, we were engaged. He still loves me, even when I steal his T-shirts. Although I understand that we met again out of sheer dumb luck, there's this whisper of magical thinking that says "See the good things that happen when you forgive?"
And still, there are doors propped open in my heart by the sense of unfinished business. My mother-in-law gave me that image, the heart as a kind of hotel, a place where we store our past emotional life behind doors and where sometimes we go and visit a while before closing them again. I've been in touch with a few people whose memories live in my heart's rooms and the ability to contact them--to offer apologies, wish them well--has eased me considerably. It's the inverse of Rob Gordon in "High Fidelity" (never mind my enduring crush on John Cusack): I know what I did wrong along the way and I'm offering to make amends, and I'm very happy where I am. It isn't nostalgia or a wish to go back, more like a simple recognition that these bonds were once there and helped me grow up. I want to know that these people are OK...because I can close the door, and maybe even renew a friendship.
I want to reach 40 having offered forgiveness where needed, and having given my own mind absolution for the mistakes of my younger years. Now that would make a great gift.
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Your picks for today....
From noweasels:
Trix's Sunday Talk tip jar caused me to post a query re: the provenance of the images. Trix's answer and MotherMags sur-reply . . . priceless.
From jennifree2bme:
Ed. Note: This is from yg17.
"If you don't get your child an SSN at birth and they grow up and get elected president, freepers will use the lack of the SSN at birth to claim that your child is a secret Kenyan born Muslim."
From teacherken:
from my diary April 19, elropsych offers this, a powerful example of the impact of fomenting fear and hatred upon individual relationships
From rossl:
A nice reminder from kismet why criticizing Obama is a good thing.
the thread
the story.
From LaughingPlanet:
Of the many fine comments in Al Rodgers' latest triumph, I found this one by sherijr to be the most eloquent.
From kirbybruno:
Never submitted before, but this almost made me pee my pants so I hope that I did this right!
Ed. Note: This is from Gooserock, in response to the cough diary, "Where is OpenThread?!," perhaps more affectionately known as "Where is OpenThread?! I cannot take anymore goddamn diaries! I am insulted/offended/uniquely outraged at ______________! Can you even believe that shit?":
Not a Diary -- Please Post in Open Thread
From sardonyx:
Boehner hit the faulty-logic trifecta is Dump Terry McAuliffe's winning play of the day.
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sardonyx comes through yet again with Top Mojo...MOJO...MOJO!!! (Sorry, I heard far too many of those monster truck radio commercials in my childhood.)
Top Mojo (cskendrick/sardonyx-style) excluding search-identifiable tip jars and first diary comments:
1) I never click on those diaries by Al Rodgers — 220
2) Backward thinking by JuliaAnn — 118
3) I'll let the hyposcrisy in my sig do the talking by heart of a quince — 118
4) Judging by the Number of Posters.... by greenskeeper — 103
5) And another thing happened by ratmach — 102
6) Meanwhile, Back at the Ranch... by Pluto — 90
7) Par for the course by Dump Terry McAuliffe — 90
8) It doesn't MATTER if they THOUGHT it was legal. by expatjourno — 89
9) To graphically illustrate by STOP George — 84
10) Never in my name. by blue jersey mom — 80
11) I''ll let my sig do the talking... by STOP George — 79
12) The IMPEACH OBAMA stuff by anotherCt Dem — 78
13) Yes by Valtin — 71
14) To be pro-life, we need to have universal by Freddy Bear — 70
15) This is absolutely fabulous news for the by feelingsickinMN — 68
16) Many people are losing their jobs. by blue jersey mom — 65
17) They thought they were covered by mlharges — 64
18) You said right... by One Pissed Off Liberal — 64
19) let's not ferget the CIA brought 2100 Nazis by testvet6778 — 63
20) Thanks for all your work by SusanG — 57
21) Are you saying... by nehark — 55
22) Did I Claim It Was? by The Baculum King — 54
23) You know,,,, by Miss Blue — 51
24) for the CIA, yes by Jeffersonian Democrat — 50
25) What About The Toture That Goes On by mattman — 50
26) Unfortunately there are no blind conservatives. by Nick Zouroudis — 47
27) all to avoid taxing income on the wealthiest 1% by Benintn — 47
28) I'm Keyser Söze by Al Rodgers — 47
29) Streaming Chicago Prog Talk Radio by Gooserock — 46
30) Getting stuffed inside a coffin by happy camper — 46
31) Until the focus is on real people by JuliaAnn — 46
Top Mojo with No Exclusions:
1) Tip Jar by Valtin — 382
2) Tips: Because this is just plain fraud n/t by bobswern — 310
3) Urinal/Spittoon by The Baculum King — 279
4) TJ, and I'm at work by bhfrik — 268
5) Yes I stll support Obama by buhdydharma — 227
6) I never click on those diaries by Al Rodgers — 220
7) April 19 - what kind of day this year? by teacherken — 219
8) Sorry this is a little late ... by BruceMcF — 170
9) Thank you, Al by Miss Blue — 136
10) Thanks, Susan by David Neiwert — 133
11) i thought we weren't allowed by fernan47 — 127
12) Backward thinking by JuliaAnn — 118
13) I'll let the hyposcrisy in my sig do the talking by heart of a quince — 118
14) Judging by the Number of Posters.... by greenskeeper — 103
15) And another thing happened by ratmach — 102
16) Tips by Trix — 93
17) So, wish me well... by Circle — 91
18) Meanwhile, Back at the Ranch... by Pluto — 90
19) Par for the course by Dump Terry McAuliffe — 90
20) It doesn't MATTER if they THOUGHT it was legal. by expatjourno — 89
21) To graphically illustrate by STOP George — 84
22) Always check the labels and provenance. by Asinus Asinum Fricat — 80
23) Never in my name. by blue jersey mom — 80
24) I''ll let my sig do the talking... by STOP George — 79
25) The IMPEACH OBAMA stuff by anotherCt Dem — 78
26) Yes by Valtin — 71
27) To be pro-life, we need to have universal by Freddy Bear — 70
28) This is absolutely fabulous news for the by feelingsickinMN — 68
29) Many people are losing their jobs. by blue jersey mom — 65
30) They thought they were covered by mlharges — 64
31) Tip jar by devtob — 64
32) You said right... by One Pissed Off Liberal — 64
33) Kibbles/Quibbles by FlCarat — 64
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Hope that your weekend was a good one.