Today's ruling by the California Supreme Court on Prop. 8 is a hollow victory for me and my husband.
Last November 1st, David and I shared our vows to each other in front of friends, family and co-workers. It was a glorious day complete with a refreshing rain shower and good food at the reception dinner. Everyone applauded as we kissed to seal our marriage.
And then, five days later, we woke to a nightmare.
Prop. 8 passed with 52% of the vote and then the litigation began.
At the oral arguments in March, gay activists were stunned at how poorly the arguments in striking down Prop. 8 were and we all saw the writing on the wall.
But today's ruling is such a hollow victory for David and me. While our marriage is intact, the bar has now been pulled down to prevent others from getting married in California. I guess I should be glad or relieved and in some ways I am, but the fact that a simple majority vote can deny people their rights is disgusting.
What is getting lost in the mix, however, is that David and I will now have to do things other married couples won't have to. We will have to keep copies of our marriage license handy to show to demand we be treated as a married couple.
Straight couples never have to do that. When the ambulance shows up to rush someone to the hospital, all a straight married couple has to do is say, "I'm his wife" or "I'm her husband" and on the ambulance they go and get to be right in the hospital room without any problems at all. Not so for David and myself.
I am sure that in those critical minutes one of us will be forced to fish for the marriage license and have it scrutinized that we did, in fact, get married between May and November of 2008. And I am willing to bet a year's pay that at some point someone will say they need a court order validating our rights as that "faggy marriage license" just won't do.
In essence, we have been relegated to the back of the marriage bus.
Sure, we are allowed to stay married, but there is a big, fat asterisk next to our marriage in the registry in California. We get all the rights and privileges of marriage, but we still have to prove it in a way no straight couple would ever have to.
So, here we sit in the back of the bus with the crappy seat covers and the trash and the air conditioning that doesn't quite work. I guess I should be thrilled, but I am not.
But I do want to congratulate the Golden State in my own special way:
Congratulations, California! You're just like Alabama circa 1963!