This is not a diary about my biological children asking me about my past. It's about my other children, my students, putting me in an awkward position. It wasn't because I was unprepared for the question - I have an answer ready that is appropriate - it was that I wasn't asked in the way I expected that threw me.
I'm sitting at my desk in my 8th period class (30 minutes to the end of the day). 2/3 of my students are absent because the flu is running rampant in the building and hundreds of kids are out sick. My students are working on their final projects. It's a pretty relaxed classroom on a normal day but today it is downright sedate because so many kids are out. All of the 11th grade students in the class have been my students since 7th grade so I've known these kids for half a decade (some even longer since I have taught some of their older siblings). We have great student-teacher rapport and, having been together for such a long time, we know each other very well. I have a good sense of who my kids are because I remember being like them 20 years ago. These kids are very mature in their world-view. They are very smart and very mature. They can discuss adult topics with depth and intellectual focus, but they can also be kids (as they should be). Many of the experiences they are having now, I had when I was their age. They know this and often ask for advice or talk through their ideas on topics outside of the curriculum. Today I got one of those questions.
The last bit of background: When I was younger, I attended a camp for 13 summers from the time that I was in 4th grade to the summer after I graduated from college. I had some great experiences there, as you might expect. I also made some questionable decisions (or maybe not questionable, it really depends on your personal opinions). I haven't made up my mind fully about whether I regret those decisions. I happen to have a student who currently attends the same summer camp. He has an older brother (whom I never taught) who is friendly with some of my current 11th grade students and this student asked my student to ask me the following question: "Tom wants to know if you have ever been to the rock?"
The 'rock' is, in fact, a rock in the woods where kids at camp go to smoke pot. I was totally caught off guard by the question and looked dumbfounded at the kid who asked the question. My hesitation in answering his question directly basically answered his question. It was only a few seconds pause, but it was obvious to the student and his neighbor what my non-answer meant. I quickly recovered and told the student that the question was not appropriate. He said, in that 16 year old way, that he only asked about a rock and that it was an innocent question. I said in reply that "it wasn't an innocent question and you aren't such an innocent young man, are you?" He paused and then asked, "Why do you think that is true?" I said, "Because when I asked the question, you blushed and looked down at your assignment before replying - we should play poker some time, you're easy to read. But, I won't ask anything personal so I think it only fair that you treat me in the same manner." He smiled and said that he understood my point and apologized.
Even so, I've been thinking about my answer all afternoon. I've never told my students anything specific about my past, but I have said that when I was younger, I faced the same situations that they face and I had to make the same decisions that they make. My kids are very good students (some are downright brilliant) and I travelled in the same social-academic circles that they are in (I was not nearly as smart as most of my kids - I joke that I was kept in the honors classes to round out the bottom of the bell curve). I've said that I made some good decisions and some bad ones, though I have never been clear as to what those decisions were. I've always said that the best mistakes to learn from are the one other people make so I try to share as best I can. Teachers today are both educators and counselors but there is a line that I can't and shouldn't cross.
What do you think of my answer?