(Best enjoyed out in a gravelly, monotoned flat voice)
This is the city, St. Paul, Minnesota. According to the last United States Census not sold out to ACORN, over 282,000 people live and work here. St. Paul is surrounded by dozens of suburbs, small towns and villages who all get along peacefully,---except for Lake Elmo, which is attempting a hostile takeover of Woodbury and Maplewood---because they hate names that include the word "wood."
The citizens elect leaders from among themselves to represent them, whether in the state capitol building with 4 golden horses that opened in 1905, or in Washington DC. When elections go sideways, I go to work.
I carry a blog.
(Music: Dum, du, dum, dum, DUMMMMMMmmmmm)
The story you're about to read is true. The names have been inserted to provoke the ridiculous.
It was Tuesday, June 30; it was cool in St. Paul with a 20% chance of rain. We were working Judicial Watch out of Kos division. The boss is Captain Barrett. My partner’s Pep Streebek. My name’s WineRev. At 1:13pm the captain called us in his office.
"Boys, the Senate Operation is breaking with a Decision. Go down to Judiciary and check it out. Here’s the address."
I nodded and crushed out my cigarette-- a dirty habit I wish I’d given up a long time ago, but not this afternoon. That drag felt good heading for Judiciary.
"Oh, and Wine?
"Yeah, Captain?
"Watch out for an old football player named Page. Don’t talk football with him."
"Why not, Captain?"
"Lets just say we want to stay on the right side of a judge."
I flashed a quick grin and we left. Streebek requisitioned the Judiciary squad’s 1989 Yugo, a 4-door sedan sporting 1300 cubic centimeters of power, the cutting edge of late 20th century Serbo-Croatian automotive technology. He gunned the 55 horses and we sped at the 25 mile per hour limit 3 blocks to the address. While I read a 32 page printing of the ruling, Streebeck used voice command on his iPhone (still keeping a safe driving 2 hands on the wheel) to put up what he called a "link", even though he’s missing a few himself.http://www.mncourts.gov/...
[Comment From worth]
Ignorant commentary at MSNBC - of course, White House correspondent asserts Franken ahead by only "a few dozen" at the point case was sent to Minnesota Supreme Court. Where do they get their information? did no one send Mike McIntee's documentary to MSNBC? I guess their prettyboy thought he didn't need to know the facts. @ 1:17; MSNBC corrects 1:46
[Comment From Headlight]
The decision is "per curiam" -- a designation that it is the opinion of the court, but anonymously. This designation is often used to dispose of a case, and in my mind carries a rather dismissive tone.
As we got out I looked in the passenger’s side visor mirror made of shiny-side gum wrappers (a luxury upgrade for the Yugo). I checked the four-in-hand knot on my navy blue solid tie and decided it looked sharp and within regulations against my starched, white, button down 60/40 cotton & poly Arrow shirt I’d bought last week on clearance at TJ Maxx.
Outside the courtroom a woman in black robes stood sobbing hysterically. We recognized her as Justice Helen Meyer.
(Quavering, ragged voice) "Lost. 133 in Minneapolis," she managed to gasp out. "They said, "Ignore machine tapes. Ignore voter sign-in logs. Ignore the math..." she doubled over shaking.
I flashed my blog. "I’m WineRev. Ma'am, could you give us just the facts?"
She straightened up, her face blank as a Borg drone as she said expresionlessly:
From Decision, p. 31: We addressed a similar situation in Moon v. Harris, (1913). In the 1912 race for registrar of deeds of Beltrami County, the county canvassing board declared Harris the winner over Moon by five votes... But in the recount, the ballots from two of the 67 precincts in the county could not be found. We ruled that the official returns for the two missing precincts should be used in lieu of the missing ballots: "The official returns are evidence of the votes cast. The presumption is that they correctly state the result of an accurate count of the ballots."
Coleman articulates no compelling reason why that same principle should not apply here.
Streebeck & I exchanged glances. We realized Justice Meyer’s hysteria was not based in sorrow or pain, but laughter. We made notes, Streebeck on his PDA, me on a good, old-fashioned, flip-over pocket notebook with a yellow, No. 2 Ticonderoga American pencil, as we made our way to another black-robed woman who we saw was Justice Gildea.
Gildea waved around her 150mm cigarette, clamped in a 12 inch black & silver holder. The opening line of "Satin Doll" floated through my head, and, as I looked over at Streebek, certain twisted dialogue from the Cheech & Chong marijuana 8-track we had just heard playing in the Yugo.
"Sergeant WineRev," she said, blowing a cloud in my direction, "how good of you to come."
I coughed, "Yes ma’am. Did you rule on the double counting of duplicate ballots?"
"Nothing to rule on, doll. No facts, no evidence it happened."
"Yes, ma’am. Good facts. Did you have anything to say about equal protection?"
"We did, Wine, baby, but talk to Alan, Paul and Dietzie about it," she said, pointing. We pointed too. "Wine-y? I know you’re working but give me a call soon after hours, will you?" She flashed an evocative smile as Streebeck gave me an inquiring look. I nodded to Gildea but gave Streebeck a growl and muttered, "None of your business" as we pushed through various St. Paul and surrounding community citizens to the remaining Justices.
As we drew near we heard Alan Page saying to Anderson & Dietzen, "Nickel go green dog weak. Paul, stunt left with a mean Joe Greene on the center, strong no-go dog, deke 17..... Dietze, 52 monster with a twist right."
Professor Larry Jacobs of the University of Minnesota spoke to a Minneapolis Star-Tribune reporter:
"Kaboom! This is kind of the exclamation point after the 7 month battle.....It's an across-the-board rejection of the Coleman legal challenges."
For our investigation, a member of the Fourth Estate, reporter Eric Black of the Minnesota Post, provided a translation:
But as far as throwing out the election result, or changing the count after the vote, or counting thousands more ballots that failed to meet the statutory standards, the Supremes said Coleman was nowhere near meeting his burden of proving that these disparities constituted either due process or equal protection violations.
(Whole thing here)
http://www.minnpost.com/...
"What's next, Black?" I said to the intrepid columnist.
"Next is 3:00pm over at the Coleman backyard. He's holding a presser and the betting among the media crowd is a possible concession."
At that moment my walkie-talkie sounded. The captain ordered us to head over to the Coleman back yard on the double. We left in a hurry.
(2 minute block of commercials: a car salesman in loud pants, a louder jacket, screaming at you to "Buy today". Next, a DoubleMint gum commercial featuring a pair of twin teens so wholesome that Wil Wheaton from Star Trek and Diane Chambers from Cheers come off as a chain & leather biker and his lady. A double shot of Billy Mays hawking Oxi-Clean and the PBA 10-X, and how to order a set of Ginzu knives.)
We arrived at the Coleman house, having been informed on the way the address had been the scene of egg-related vandalism a couple months prior, marking the area as a tough neighborhood. As we approached we saw approximately 30 members of the Fourth Estate entering the back yard except for one group being stopped. The man doing the stopping identified himself as Coleman's assistant Erickson. He said we were on private property and he would decide which journalists would be admitted.
Mike McIntee of TheUptake: Coleman staffer Tom Erickson is telling us we can't film their presser cuz we're not real news. We have Capitol creds. He says our pass is homemade.
As much as we support the First Amendment of the Constitution guaranteeing freedom of the press we were forced to agree with Erickson and advised McIntee, reporter Noah Kunin, and reporter Grace Kelly with the MN Progressive Project they would have to move away. Kunin contacted his headquarters and received suggestions on how to proceed. A British accented, female voice (you can tell from the use of "garden" in place of "yard") advised:
[Comment From MrsB]
Noah needs a trampoline in next door's garden.
Despite her dancer's name, Grace Kelly acted more like the spunky Lois Lane of the Daily Planet ("a great metropolitan newspaper"). Grace went around to the Coleman back yard back neighbors on the next street and worked from there:
http://www.mnprogressiveproject.com/...
But leave it to a Badger state blogger to provide the real ingenuity. Wisconsin, a major dairy state producing wholesome, fresh milk, cheese curds for all ages, and, for those of responsible legal age in their jurisdictions, tasty beer, also produced this line from the home of the Packers:
[Comment From Joe in GB]
Noah can tape his iPhone to a broom handle and broadcast it over the hedge, or fence or whatever 'screen of secrecy' he has.... StickCam®
Finally McIntee caught the eye of KARE-TV producer Tom Lindner who allowed the UpTake to use the Channel 11 video feed of Coleman's Concession speech: (Best moments were opening & closing)
The Supreme Court of Minnesota has spoken and I respect its decision and will abide by the result. It’s time for Minnesota to come together under the leaders it has chosen and move forward. I join all Minnesotans in congratulating our newest United States Senator -- Al Franken......
we all should take a moment to thank Amy Klobuchar and her staff. They have done a great job of carrying the burden of two Senators these last six months. She is an extraordinary public servant.
Back in the Yugo word came from HQ Governor Pawlenty had signed the Certificate of Election and later in the evening sent it on to Secretary of State Ritchie for his signature as well. We headed over to Minneapolis for the Franken statement. Streebeck took I-94, part of the national network of interstate highways connecting Minnesota with the rest of America. The Yugo's horsepower proved somewhat inadequate to the demands for the national speed limit of 55mph, but with the auxiliary set of bicycle pedals that sprung up from the floor above 31 mph, I was personally able to provide extra power and speed. As we arrived Streebeck tossed another link (and I don't mean sausage, mister) out the window that was caught by Minnesota Independent reporter Chris Steller. He put it up here, complete with pictures:
http://minnesotaindependent.com/...
The crowd of about 150 press types and ordinary, wholesome citizens were noisy but otherwise well-mannered at the Senator-elect's public acceptance. Mr. Franken announced he had had a gracious phone call in advance from Mr. Coleman and that he and his wife Frannie had offered their good wishes to the Coleman family. The new Senator also announced he had spoken with Senate Majority leader Harry Reid.
"I go to Washington DC not to be the 60th Democratic senator; I'm going to be the second senator from the state of Minnesota."
Even the editorial board of the Star-Tribune ("once a fine metropolitan newspaper") approved. They
"...supported Coleman's bid for a 2nd term. But we admire much about Franken's values and his desire for public service...We wish him well as he sets out to earn the trust of all of the people of Minnesota."
In the following round of questions the junior Senator noted he would be on 4 Senate committees: Judiciary (so he will be in on the hearings for Justice Sotomayor, as well the as the prosecution of all sorts of lying liars from the last 8 years), and Health, Education, Labor and Pensions (HELP)--the one squarely on the spot in the health care overhaul. He will also serve on the committee on Aging and, as he put it, "one that I asked for" Indian Affairs.
The crowd dispersed, offering the Frankens and even us salutations and jollifications. Streebeck and I called in our location as we settled in for a well-deserved dinner break of chili dogs. As we ate we heard several comments from disreputable, sometime ill-mannered wrong people known locally as "Freepers". Comments recorded by Dailykos citizen stevemb included:
The wail of the waambulance
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Don’t certify him. If Obama can do what he is doing; surely one governor can stop this?
Honduras is looking pretty good right about now.
Coleman concedes election was corrupt and stolen. Another national disgrace. As long as the leadership of the GOP are all still searching for their gonads, this corruption will continue.
Another blogger put up a set of gems at this link Streebeck showed me:
http://www.dailykos.com/...
I picked up my 8 pound SCR-536, "Donald Hings" Motorola walkie-talkie, warmed up the vacuum tubes and called in to HQ. Capt. told us "well done" and that we were authorized for an extra 20 minutes. I thanked him and lit up a Lucky Strike downwind from Streebeck, who has an allergic condition.....
(Voiceover: On November 4th, election was held in and for the state of Minnesota, with a swearing in to follow. In 238 days to today + 6 more 'till Monday In a moment, the results of that swearing in.)
Commercial Block: "Before the batteries run out on my Mr. Microphone, hear this! Forget Ginzu knives! Ignore the heartbreak of psoriasis! Need something that has more iron that a pound of calf's liver? Well get yourself over to the linked website and order YOUR copy of "Recounting Minnesota: Blogging the Al Franken Election Saga." Includes words on paper! Words from bloggers! Words from the great Orange One himself, Markos! Thoughtful insights, wit, charm and much to remember from the last 238 days! Click before midnight tonight! Operators are standing by..."
http://www.melangepress.com/...
BBzzrt----- Network Trouble, Please Stand By........ The conclusion of this episode, complete with swearing in and the final chapter of this saga will be posted at a later date (probably Monday after it happens.) Sincerely, Anders Dahlstrom,
station manager of Channel 1, YUST, southeast of Lake Wobegon.
Shalom.....from Badge 714
(Steady drumroll. Brawny, sweaty forearm gripping steel rod pressed against stone wall. Other arm swings short mallet, "clang".....(harder) "CLANG")
A
Mark
VII
Limited
Production
UPDATE 1: Now mentioned prominently in Cheer & Jeers on the Front Page.http://www.dailykos.com/...