Homeless and jobless Americans have a new reason to worry tonight: it is beginning to look like President Barack Obama might be slightly defensive over the results of his stimulus package. On behalf of all homeless and jobless Americans I just want to reach out and let President Obama know that he should just calm down and be patient.
The fact that ordinary Americans who had nothing to do with creating the current financial catastrophe are being wiped out in their millions should be no reason for the President of the United States to rethink his policies or the structure and policy of his stimulus package. Now is the time for you to dig in and defend your stimulus package, no matter what the facts on the ground suggest. Now would probably be a good time for you to build a bubble and climb in, sealing the entrance/exit behind you.
The important thing here, Mr. President, is for you to not get bogged down in worrying about the toll this is taking on the very people who helped get you elected in hopes of actually seeing some change and some--well--hope. What you need to focus on is the political aspects of this problem and who is to blame. George W. Bush is to blame, so that pretty much absolves you of any responsibility to help ordinary Americans, doesn't it?
As we lose our homes and apartments and most of our personal belongings, we just want to let you know that we mostly blame George W. Bush and the Republican Party for putting us in this position. We want to let you know that the fact that you have done little or nothing to help us hasn't blinded us to the fact that you are still marginally better than the Republican Party and its leaders.
For God's sake, don't go to the website for the National Coalition for the Homeless, it will just depress you. Likewise, you should probably stay away from U.S. Department of Labor, because you'd just be reminded of how you underestimated unemployment and failed to include a real jobs program in your stimulus package. Trickle down was good enough for George W. Bush's administration, so dammit, why shouldn't it be good enough for yours?
So when you read those opinion polls and see your numbers are slipping, we want you to focus on the fact that the economic crisis wasn't your fault and there's really no reason for you to do anything to reduce its impact on ordinary Americans. You should probably take another trip overseas so we can live vicariously through your many exciting adventures.
Another thing, don't worry about the fundraising numbers for the DNC, DCCC, and DSCC if they slip a little. The fact of the matter is that when you are homeless and jobless, you may not have the best internet connection, so all those endless solicitations for more money may not be getting through to us. We know that you will find a way to make up the difference by working with lobbyists from the health insurance industry. In fact, lobbyists of all stripes are probably better fundraising prospects than ordinary Americans right now, but hey, you already know that, don't you?
So, in conclusion Mr. President, don't change a thing. Don't listen to the rising chorus of discontent among ordinary Americans who didn't realize that they'd have to give up everything they've worked for in order to save the banking industry. Don't listen to all those Americans dying in the streets or in emergency rooms because they lacked access to even the most rudimentary healthcare.
Stop reading newspapers. Stop giving press conferences where reporters can ask pesky questions. Turn off the television. Buy a ranch in Crawford, Texas. Has anyone told you how relaxing chopping mesquite can be?
The one thing you mustn't do Mr. President is admit you made a mistake when you failed to include real job creation in the stimulus package. Stick to your guns, admit no mistakes, and never change course. After all, you don't want to look weak, do you?