This diary is a continuation of a previous series, which you can look at my page if curious. My mother has gone into assisted living, after many weeks of turmoil for both her and myself. Things are looking better now.
I was lucky to be blessed with a wonderful resource during this time, namely, my half sister was able to come from France and help with this process. She is my mother's daughter from her first marriage, and we remain close to this day, despite the distance between where she and I live.
We looked at several places during the time mom was in rehab, I tried to be sure she could mentally compare some of the local choices. The first one had a terrible 'run down city' setting, with very young 20 somethings running the day to day, but was a 'bargain' price. We all agreed within about 5 minutes it was not going to happen there.
The second place was very nice. An old Victorian home with a huge vegetable garden. However, the price went up 1100 dollars when we sat down in the administrator's office from the quote I got on the phone. We politely smiled and said we would be in touch. Not a chance in hell on that.
The third time turned out to be the charm. The administrator/owner is one of the nicest people I have met in this process. She engaged my mother in real conversation about her needs as well as myself. She has been running her home for 25 years and knows geriatric care very well. The home is spacious and accommodating. We all agreed this was it. We loaded up the pick up and brought mum in yesterday after we finished the setup.
Of course during this time, I have been very concerned about mom's finances. I did hire a certified financial planner to advise me about what to do with mom's modest assets. We are still putting that plan together. I spent a day going through all of mom's expenses for the last year. Every bill, every category I could think of. My mother does have long term care insurance, but it's unclear if it will pay yet for her care. Her condition is very serious and she cannot possibly live at home, but that doesn't mean she will meet the definition in the policy. She will need to be evaluated next week to see how it will work out.
I have already made the assumption that she will not be able to collect from insurance yet, and as such, she cannot possibly pay for both. I am planning on taking up residence in her house. Next Saturday I am moving out of my apartment (what a joyous task!) Her mortgage is almost paid off and my father diligently paid it all his life. I am not going to let the house go for almost nothing. I may not have a job at the moment, but I can stretch it until I do.
The waters are starting to recede. They are not completely gone yet, and the stress of all this has not passed. But it will pass, and as my father used to say 'life goes on'. He was right. No matter what pain there may be, or joyous moment is present, it is all fleeting. Each day gives us a new chance to love or fear, build or destroy, feel pain or feel joy.
Today I choose to feel joy.