BikeHiker's blog has a really great quick rebuttal of that amazing litany of lies circulating in email and on the right-wing blogs.
But it doesn't go far enough.
Over the fold for some completely time-wasting snark...
"Page 1,211: People poisoned by chemtrails, licking envelopes, or from tear gas attacks suffered during ATF raids on militia compounds will not be covered."
TRUTH: This is true. Buy envelopes with self-adhesive strips.
"Pages 1,490-3: Your National ID Health Card will also serve as your FEMA Reeducation Camp assignment code. If you lose it, you will automatically be assigned to New Orleans's Lower Ninth Ward."
TRUTH: FEMA will be renamed FOBAMA.
"Page 1,929: ACORN volunteers will be allowed to cut in line at the pharmacy."
TRUTH: This is true, but it shouldn't matter to you since you can get your medications delivered via the Socialist Fascist Nazi Postal Service.
"Page 2,220: As part of National Education Standards Testing, all fifth and seventh graders will have to be able to recite the entire Health Care bill from memory; and all ninth graders will have to as well, but in Chinese."
TRUTH: There is no mention of Chinese on this page.
"Page 2,871: States that have not completely banned smoking and cigarettes by 2011 will be ineligible for Social Health Care subsidies."
TRUTH: This is a distortion. They will remain eligible, but they will have to pay for the subsidies.
"Page 2,872: ...but they must decriminalize marijuana."
TRUTH: This is the so-called "Amnesty for Inhalers" Amendment sponsored by International Man of Diplomacy Bill Clinton. But the release of drug-addled hippies from prison will be necessary to free up beds for Georgia rednecks who resist having their Grandma put down.
"Page 3,305: Starting in 2012, the Euthanasia Program will incorporate a Socialist Political Loyalty Test, part of which will include giving up your guns. If you refuse, you will be put to death by being denied liposuction, rhinoplasty, Lasix, orthodontia, breast augmentation, and Cialis."
TRUTH: The Euthanasia Program has no interest in your guns.
"Page 4,666: The Federal Health Bureaucracy is charged with drawing up mandatory abortion quotas on a per-voting-district basis. If they can't diminish the Republican party just on the merits of liberal policies, they'll just stop more from being born!"
TRUTH: Drats, foiled again. It's shocking to me how clever and logical are the patriotic opponents of our anti-Constitutional ideals.
"Page 4,826: The Federal Government will create bank accounts for any illegal immigrant that doesn't have one, and redistribute funds to them on a monthly basis. The funds will be obtained directly from your bank account via electronic viral transfer. If the immigrant is gay, black, non-English-speaking, or deceased, the level of payment will be doubled."
TRUTH: Only Joe Wurzelbacher's bank account will be accessed for this purpose.
"Page 5,112: At the end of the bill is a secret disclaimer disclosing that notwithstanding any other language elsewhere in the bill, its entire purpose is to impoverish, maim, disable, kill or piss off every living American, and to do it more efficiently than the current health care system."
TRUTH: To do this more efficiently than we do now is an impossible goal, and thus highly plausible.