Dear friends:
Rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated. I write this letter to bring me comfort and let you know I'm thinking of you. As you've seen I've been relentlessly attacked in public but overall I'm doing surprisingly well. The care that I need I cannot provide myself, and with the help of a few friends like you I might just make it.
Don't let them kill me.
Okay, let me be clear. You are not killing me, for if you are reading this you are probably one of the good ones trying to help me. For that I thank you.
Every time people talk about me they often do not understand what makes me me. I think it all began when noone gave me an honest, proper name as I deserved. Instead I am described by my distinguishing features as if I was mere chattel. Where can I find dignity if you cannot talk about what I have done/am doing and instead talk about me as if I never existed? Imagine a world where a child hears their parents talk about what child they should adopt while ignoring the real child they have. I have been that ignored, invisible child.
My dreams are not grand and my motives quite simple. I want to coexist peacefully with my peers and do what I can to improve the lives of others. You wouldn't know this when you hear the friends of my enemies speak of me. To these people my existence will summon forth the end of days, when zombie Hitler rides down from the sky on a burning Constitution pulled by the dual skeletons of Saint Ronnie & Tricky Dick pushing cap-and-trade regulation while killing free markets everywhere. This is clearly not true and we cannot let their fear of a flaming Constitution-riding zombie Hitler become the debate. I know for a fact the Constitution is printed on the flesh of a demon that Jacob Shallus himself slain & skinned, so it can't burn. Take that, ya loonies!
If these same folks cannot admit they are willing to embrace insanity for political expedience then we must admit they cannot be engaged in a realistic manner. If the unruly mobs choose not to shake my hand when they meet me, that is their choice as a free US citizen. But to deny them the opportunity to not shake my hand is unAmerican.
The various people who make our land so great have said they welcome my introduction, but the leaders fail to oblige those they lead. Soon they will also learn that you cannot force an undesired system upon a nation with sustained success, nor can you deny a populace from the wanting what they need. Leaders who fight this congruence will fail themselves into obscurity while those who embrace it will be remembered for their victories.
I thank you for reading my letter, and look forward to meeting everyone soon!
Sincerely yours,
the Public Option
PS. May I suggest a better name for myself, such as MedicAll? It starts like MediCare but ends with who it covers, All. C'mon people, rebrand me!
PPS. I am being held hostage in Sen. Grassley's basement, which is nicely refinished I must admit. I really like the faux wood paneling, except for that one section... It looks like death.
PPPS. This diary was written while supporting a board of directors meeting of a major healthcare provider. If they only knew...
EDIT: how could I overlook the obvious video tie-in...