Recently John Mackey, the CEO of Whole Foods Market, wrote an article in the Wall Street Journal calling Obama’s health care bill a waste of money. As opposed to vinaigrette infused risotto cakes which are a down payment on our children’s future.
In Mackey’s defense, he did write the article on 100 percent recyclable potato skin paper. So I went to talk with him:
ME: John Mackey, you’re the CEO of Whole Foods Market, people are boycotting your stores because you oppose President Obama’s health care plan.
JOHN MACKEY: I couldn’t give a crap, which, considering the amount of fiber in my diet is saying quite a lot.
ME: It turns out that on the surface Whole Foods is a politically correct organization. But you’re anti union. What would you say to customers who thought they were supporting liberal causes by shopping at Whole Foods Market?
JOHN MACKEY: I’d say, “Cash or credit?” I’m a businessman. If people wanted hamburgers from downer cows dipped in DDT I’d sell that to them.
ME: So you’re not a liberal?
JOHN MACKEY: No, I’m a libertarian.
ME: And what exactly is libertarianism.
JOHN MACKEY: Libertarianism is fascism that only sounds like liberalism. Libertarianism is for Nazis who enjoy hanging out with lefties who can’t afford a dictionary.
ME: But some of your politics are liberal. You’re pro organic food, that seems like a liberal cause.
JOHN MACKEY: I care about my vegetables. I don’t care about the people who pick them.
ME: Or your employees. You’re anti union.
JOHN MACKEY: We have a chain of priorties at Whole Foods: Animals, vegetables, people, and then migrant workers.
ME: Migrant workers are people.
JOHN MACKEY: Whatever.
ME: I read you’re vegan.
JOHN MACKEY: That is correct.
ME: You don’t eat any meat or dairy?
JOHN MACKEY: Well, I eat free-range chicken, chicken from my farm, and the occasional hamburger or steak, but NEVER in public. So yes, I’m vegan.
ME: Why do you oppose Obama’s health care plan?
JOHN MACKEY: A careful reading of both the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution will reveal that there is no intrinsic right to health care.
ME: Actually healthcare was deemed a right by the Geneva Conventions and signed by the United States.
JOHN MACKEY: The Geneva Conventions also outlawed water boarding, but I sold a lot Evian to the CIA and I know they ain’t drinking it.
ME: How do you sleep at night?
JOHN MACKEY:Valerian root. Wanna buy some?