Dear Patriot:
I’m writing to thank you for your participation in our upcoming "912 Project" activities. This really is a momentous day in the struggle against socialism, and we are so glad you’ve chosen to be a part of it!
It has come to our attention, however, that many of you are having trouble understanding the 9 principles and 12 values upon which our movement is founded. This is entirely our fault. We worded the principles in such a way as to seem appealing to those outside our movement and simultaneously incomprehensible to liberals, using code words and phrases that only patriots like us would understand. Unfortunately, our researchers overestimated the educational level attained by our membership. We emphatically apologize, and would like to correct the situation now.
Please note the following translation of the principles and values, which we hope will make things clear. Each principle is followed by the original wording as it stood before the "coded" version was released, and a brief explanatory statement:
1. America is good.
Original Wording: "Americans are superior to other nationalities and it is our natural right to dominate them."
This one should be obvious. The United States is superior to every other nation on Earth. Especially the ones where they don’t speak English, or have a lot of brown people. This is why it’s ok to invade them. This is also how we can be sure that our policies are always right, and that we have nothing to learn from socialist countries like France.
This rule is listed first because of its importance as a debating tactic: When liberals criticize our country (47 million uninsured, failing schools, blah, blah, blah) you can remind them, with these three simple words, that they are wrong. They must be wrong, because America is good. We therefore cannot have bad things, like poverty.
2. I believe in God and He is the Center of my Life.
Original Wording: "I will work to transform America into the theocracy the Founders envisioned."
Again, this is probably obvious to you. But in a day and age when so many Americans openly flaunt their atheism, and religions that hate God (Judaism, Islam, Hinduism, etc.) are tolerated – nay, even encouraged – this point must be made crystal clear. As it is, the liberals have already succeeded in getting "science" taught in public schools. We are on a slippery slope, folks.
3. I must always try to be a more honest person than I was yesterday.
Original Wording: "Truth is what conservative, god fearing white Americans say it is."
This one is subtle – what we political types call "framing." The liberals are always accusing us of lying (WMDs, global warming denial, death panels, etc.), and we figured the best defense is a strong offense. If we say we are honest people, then everything we say must be true. QED. And if any liberal claims to have caught you out in a lie (by producing evidence, for instance), you can always reply, "That may be so, but I am trying to be a more honest person than I was yesterday."
This principle also has the added bonus of showing Americans what liars the liberals are. You see, if they oppose this project, they must be against honesty.
4. The family is sacred. My spouse and I are the ultimate authority, not the government.
Original Wording: "Christian conservatives decide what family values are."
We know you are as frustrated as we are about the government’s obsession with "rights" and "equality." We are all disgusted with the gays marching around demanding to be treated equally, as if they were as good as decent folk like us. Enough is enough, patriots! We will not have the government defining marriage! That’s our job.
5. If you break the law you pay the penalty. Justice is blind and no one is above it.
Original Wording: "Law enforcement and military authorities must be given a free hand."
This doesn’t apply to Republicans, of course, so don’t panic! This is mainly aimed at the degenerates and undesirables in our society, like pot smokers, gays, and brown people. It is imperative that we roll back the encroachment of so called "civil rights" and "civil liberties." Remember, if you’re not doing anything "wrong," you have nothing to fear.
6. I have a right to life, liberty and pursuit of happiness, but there is no guarantee of equal results.
Original Wording: "If God wanted someone other than white men to be running things, he wouldn’t have made all the poor people brown."
This is a fine point, but very important for all patriots to understand. A lot of the values we publicly espouse (like freedom, democracy, etc.) can easily be misinterpreted as rationally consistent with liberalism. We don’t want that! So we wanted this principle to clarify our position: You have the right to want a fair shake. You don’t have the right to actually get one.
7. I work hard for what I have and I will share it with who I want to. Government cannot force me to be charitable.
Original Wording: "It is no one’s responsibility to rescue the poor, disabled, or anyone else too lazy to make good."
You’d be surprised, patriots, how many Americans don’t realize that taxation is actually forced charity. They think that governments have a responsibility to promote the general welfare, and that paying taxes are a "duty" of citizenship. This is why our great Republic has been corrupted with socialist programs like the military, roads and bridges, public schools and Medicare (that’s the worst!). And progressive taxation is even more diabolical. We are being enslaved by Marxists who think that wealthy people should pay more, just because they are wealthy! Should we now penalize people just because they have the intelligence, drive and ambition enough to select the advisors that will invest the wealth they inherited? Do you realize how difficult it is to select a good investment firm? The socialists in Washington sure don’t! We earned our dividends, patriots. And we sure as hell aren’t going to share them with people too stupid to inherit their own capital.
8. It is not un-American for me to disagree with authority or to share my personal opinion.
Original Wording: "Obama is not the legitimate President of the United States."
This one is actually temporary. Obviously, authority is not to be respected when Democrats are in power, because Democrats who win elections are illegitimate by definition (especially brown ones). When a Republican is once again enthroned in the White House, this rule will be changed to read, "The Commander-In-Chief wields unquestionable authority. Those who criticize him are un-American and should be shipped off to Gitmo," or some such. The exact wording is still in committee.
9. The government works for me. I do not answer to them, they answer to me.
Original Wording: "It doesn’t matter who won the election. The Right must be obeyed."
As we all know, this is not a democracy. It is a republic. That means that Republicans are always in charge. ("Republic," "republicans" – Get it?) Let’s try an example. Let’s say you go to a town hall meeting in your district, your representative is a Democrat, and recent polling shows the majority of voters in your district support a public option. You can still shout out (make sure you’re shouting, or you won’t be taken seriously), "Will you obey the will of the people who elected you, Rep. X, and vote against Obamacare?" Because it doesn’t matter how many libs and pinkos are in your district -- as a Christian conservative, the electorate is you.
The Twelve Values:
· Honesty
· Reverence
· Hope
· Thrift
· Humility
· Charity
· Sincerity
· Moderation
· Hard Work
· Courage
· Personal Responsibility
· Gratitude
Well, we just put these in to make the name "912 Project" make sense. But you’ll notice that we didn’t put in any liberal crap like compassion, stewardship, public service or peace. We're Christians, after all.
We apologize again for any confusion, and we do hope this clears things up. Thanks again for your support. See you in DC!
Sincerely,
Glenn Beck Patriots
Epilogue:
I’m obviously having a little fun with Mr. Beck and his "Project." But in all seriousness folks, we need to call out the "912 Project" for what it is: A call to fascism. Sometimes the dog whistles need a little translation, which is what I'm trying to do here tonight.
Mr. Beck says he wants us to be the people we were the day after 9-11. By this, he claims to be referring to our ability to pull together and help our neighbors. But this, too, requires translation. What Mr. Beck really wants to return to is the post 9-11 feelings of fear, anger, nationalism and intolerance. He wants you, once again, to be that person who was afraid of brown people and called the police if you saw someone in a turban at a gas station. He wants you to remember what it felt like to clamor for war – with Iraq, with Afghanistan, with anyone – because of the rage and helplessness you felt after that horrible attack. He wants you to put that flag back in front of your house and the sticker on your car. He wants you to support torture and to defend the right of the government to wiretap its own citizens. He wants us to return to that America where people saluted police officers in the street, Bush had an 80% approval rating, and no one could think of a better way to spend our tax dollars than an endless war. That day, the day after 9-11, is probably the closest America has been in my lifetime to openly embracing the spirit of fascism: intolerance, militarism, and an unquestioning deference to authority.
Fear and anger. That’s what Glenn Beck wants for us. The teabaggers are already there, and have been since the day Obama was elected -- since that day when liberals stole "their America." The 912 Project is an attempt to harness that energy and turn it into a movement that he hopes will defeat Obama, the Democratic party, and liberalism in general. We can laugh at it if we want. We can dismiss it as political theater and the ravings of a 21st century snake oil salesman. Is Van Jones laughing tonight? Did John Boehner dismiss these kind of tactics on Thursday, when he all but canonized Representative Wilson for his unprecedented calumny against the President during his address to Congress?
No, this is not to be laughed at or dismissed. Our primary purpose must be to defeat it. Glenn Beck’s "principles" must be denounced, and loudly, as the Trojan horse for fascism they truly are.