It is Dec. 26th at 12:36 AM. I have just started on my fourth glass of absinthe.
I finally got to try one that is supposed to be head and shoulders above the Lucid I had been drinking. It is. It really is! Plus, it is an American made one. Amazing!
Well, let me get to the point of my drunken diary writing (on absinthe though, it is not quite drunken).
I don't talk much here. I have been a shadow on these pages. My greatest activity was during the 2008 election. There is a reason for this.
I have no hope.
I first started getting more involved in knowing what was going on outside of my life with the advent of the unnamed event in the year 2001. I have my own opinion about it and the events that followed but they don't have any real bearing on this diary.
My real point in writing this is that I am at my wits end with humanity.
I am living on the second floor of a house that use to have my landlord on the first floor.
She died of cancer a couple of years ago and her daughter said that we could continue to live here. In the meantime, the cousins of the daughter and deceased mom, are now living on the first floor.
They are, to put it mildly, a thorn in my side.
I have always been a depressed person and so I hold no hope that life for me will ever be worth living but these people have made it worse. I am writing this as I listen to them carry on and play their music loudly. This looks like it is going to be another late party night for them.
This is typical now.
They have a party which includes other relatives who come over to party with them and they carry on and smoke (various substances [though I have nothing personal against the jane]) and it all seeps into my space on the second floor.
I have had to deal with a mouse problem that started with them and has only ended by me finding all the places the mice were getting them in and sealing them off using a foam in a can product.
I am now at the end of my rope. Life sucks and I really and truly don't want to hear people saying to me that life is worth living. It isn't for me.
I am a realist and know that no matter what platitudes are put forth, for some people, life will never be "better". I am tired of those who want to believe that positive thinking or pharmaceuticals can help a severely depressed person when the person is depressed because they are living in circumstances that will most likely not get better.
I am only writing this to rant, which is why I titled it an absinthe influenced diary so please feel free to read and ignore this.
I will probably feel a little better in the morning once these low educated, not willing to really better themselves, bastards downstairs, leave. Just by the by, for anyone who wants to think that the people I am talking about have any redeeming qualities at all, I just want to make it clear that they are doing their smoking of jane with young children present.
These people are not deserving of any sympathy as far as I am concerned and if any of you could get to know them, I doubt that you would feel any differently.
I do need to make it clear that I fully understand that they are just a product of the system that makes it harder for any disadvantaged people to be able to improve themselves and their lives.
I had hoped that with the advent of President Obama and the ascendancy of the Democrats, things would have improved more but I can see that while this might end up working out for the younger generation (who has not become jaded as I have at the age of 48), it is too late for me.
I am extremely tired and just don't care anymore.
I am hanging on just to see if things will be better for my daughter who at 27 and almost ready to graduate from college with a business degree is the only real reason I even try to stay alive.
Now for me, this is a rant. I don't expect anyone to pay much attention to this. I am content with just putting this out into the ether for posterity.
One final note:
God (or fate or whatever may or may not be out there), when will the mother f'ers downstairs leave!
UPDATE:
Thanks to all for your comments. I have responded below.
Just btw, the asshats left at about 3:06 AM and one of them was yelling, "You give a great party! You can call me an alcoholic but I don't care!"
She yelled that a few times as she made her way to the passenger side of a waiting car that finally took her away.
Sigh. People. :-)