Hello there! How can I assist you? Yes, it's three in the morning and the bars are closed. You're drunk and want a room? Great, I have a good rate for you. Want some food? Fabulous. I will make you a smashing pizza, nachos, or quesadilla. I will get you chips and cookies if you are stoned and I won't even call the police when your "daughter" asks for a key to your room or you're clearly furnishing alcohol to minors.
But, you know what would be great? If you'd stop walking behind the front desk to touch me.
You're so funny. Yes, I've heard that joke before. Please list some more assumptions about me because of my gender. It's okay to ask me to do a thousand things at once because I'm "a woman so I can multitask!" Ask me about my relationship status and stare at my hands to see if there's a ring. Again. Make comments about my appearance. Ask me if my partner loves me and/or how much money they make. Brag about your employment. Yell slurs in my lobby and laugh. That's so hot. I know the first item in my Must Haves for a partner is bigot.
Check in. Argue with me about liquor laws for the State of Ohio. Be sure to do this for more than ten minutes. Order food. Follow me into the kitchen that is clearly marked STAFF ONLY. Ask me about my major. Demand to know how much money it will get me. Recommend I marry well. Be sure to do all of this behind a door marked STAFF ONLY.
Say something profoundly creepy to me when I deliver items to your room. I work for the hotel so I must be an extension of your room, right? Go behind the counter while I am away and serve yourself. That's perfectly fine, you know. Piss yourself. Piss the floor when you can't make it to the bathroom. Crawl to your room.
Just be sure to touch me before you go. Touch my shoulder, my hair. Try and touch my face. Stink of booze while you do it. Try and hug me. Give me a high five. Touch my back. "Accidentally" touch my chest or buttocks. Take my asking you to stop as a joke. Smile when you apologize because if I tell you go to go hell, you'll write me a bad review and say I was bitchy.