Not one to shy away from opportunities to gratuitously bathe in the warm, pulsing blood of his hapless victims, Dark Lord Jon "Sith" Stewart turned his merciless, unblinking gaze toward the blogosphere yesterday.
What he claims to have witnessed was almost as horrific as the eyeball-searing, unimaginably demonic act of wanton violence he performed - on live, prerecorded cable television, before a more or less audience of barely recognizable, formerly-human zombies - in what can only be called, frankly, "response".
Be warned, the hypertrophied, ultra-visceral clip you are about to witness (and you VILL watch it, and you VILL LIKE IT!!) requires an iron stomach, a hide thicker than the hull of the U.S.S. Constitution, a constitution stronger than, well, the U.S. Constitution...and balls of pure, unalloyed, Pandoran unobtanium.
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This clip is NSFZ (Not Safe For Zealots), and children under the age of 13 should be strongly cautioned not to mercilessly mock their blogging parents after witnessing it. This is strong stuff, people, and a few more over-extended sentences of gratuitous frippery will almost be enough to satisfy the Diary Police that this is a more or less legitimate diary, so that you can just go ahead and watch the clip and discuss it's relevance to Daily Kos culture and conversation and stop reading my slobbering prose.
So, without further ado, adon't, or adonis, I bring you, ladies and gentlemen of Daily Kos (and all the rest of you scum), the Master of Mockery, the Emperor of Emphasis, the Tyrant of Tired Metaphors, the Bitch of the Blogosphere, Jonnnnnnnn "Killerrrrrr" STEWARRRRRRT!!!!!
(wait, how the crap do I embed this video....look up SuperBowlIXX's lengthy instructions about how to embed video from Comedy Central (oh, good, now I have a link in the text, which will further help to ward off the Diary Police!), have dramatic meltdown, shake fists at sky (ceiling, technically - oh, what's that up there, a spider web), shout obscenities at the cruelty of fate, throw notebook at opposite wall, hyperventilate, pass out in pool of own slobber, come to, extract notebook embedded in opposite wall, follow directions faithfully, contemplate irony of atheist using the term "faithfully", get off track and start making notes for future diary about the degree to which religious language is embedded in our culture and the degree to which it affects our thinking, remember that you have absolutely no interest in reading the fevered inner rambles of my dementia-addled brain, focus focus focus you can do this you've been developing for the web since 1856 for crying out loud there we go, will this work?)